Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally clear but contains redundancy with the phrase "booming with booming" and could be more concise. Try to avoid repeating words and aim for a natural flow. Also, adding a linking phrase can improve coherence.

例: My hometown is a small town in the southwest region of Cameroon, known for its thriving fishing industry and bustling daily markets.

提案: Your answer is relevant and includes a specific detail, which is good. However, the sentence could be more concise and natural by avoiding phrases like "doesn't really have a lot of nice places" and using linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: Although my town is small and has few attractions, I particularly like a beautiful riverside spot that is famous because the Queen once visited it.

提案: Your answer provides relevant information but has grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Use correct prepositions and sentence structures, and include linking words to improve coherence.

例: I lived in my hometown for three years, but recently I relocated to Boya, which is surrounded by mountains and rivers and has a peaceful atmosphere with friendly people.

提案: Your answer contains some grammatical mistakes and unclear references (e.g., "He has a good transport system"). Try to use correct pronouns and improve sentence structure. Also, avoid vague phrases like "a lot of beautiful natures" and be more specific.

例: Yes, my hometown is a peaceful place with friendly people and a low crime rate compared to other towns. It also has a good transport system and beautiful natural scenery.

× It's a small town with a lot of booming with booming fishing and everyday markets.

✓ It's a small town with a lot of booming fishing and everyday markets.

The phrase 'with a lot of booming with booming fishing' contains a repetition and incorrect structure. The word 'booming' is an adjective describing 'fishing', so it should not be repeated or preceded by 'with a lot of'. The correct form is 'with a lot of booming fishing', meaning fishing activities are thriving.

× I was there last three years, but recently I relocated Boya, a place which is surrounded by a lot of mountains, rivers with a quiet atmosphere and social people.

✓ I was there for the last three years, but recently I relocated to Boya, a place which is surrounded by a lot of mountains and rivers, with a quiet atmosphere and social people.

The phrase 'I was there last three years' is missing the preposition 'for' to indicate duration. Also, 'relocated Boya' is incorrect; the verb 'relocate' requires the preposition 'to' before the place. Additionally, a comma is needed before 'with a quiet atmosphere' to separate clauses properly.

× I relocated Boya, a place which is surrounded by a lot of mountains, rivers with a quiet atmosphere and social people.

✓ I relocated to Boya, a place which is surrounded by a lot of mountains and rivers, with a quiet atmosphere and social people.

The verb 'relocate' requires the preposition 'to' before the destination. Also, 'mountains, rivers with a quiet atmosphere' lacks a conjunction between 'mountains' and 'rivers'. Adding 'and' clarifies the list of features.

× the crime rate is not that much as compared to other town.

✓ the crime rate is not that high compared to other towns.

The phrase 'not that much' is informal and less precise; 'not that high' is more appropriate for crime rate. Also, 'other town' should be plural 'other towns' to indicate comparison with multiple towns.

× He has a good transport system and a lot of beautiful natures that God has given them.

✓ It has a good transport system and a lot of beautiful natural features that God has given them.

'He' is incorrect when referring to a town; 'It' is appropriate. 'Beautiful natures' is incorrect; 'nature' is uncountable, so 'natural features' or 'natural beauties' is better. The sentence also needs clarity and correct pronoun usage.