Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答は質問に直接答えていますが、文法の誤りや不自然な表現が見られます。例えば、「on rural area」ではなく「in a rural area」が正しいです。また、「there are many foreign people come there to play」は不自然で、「many foreign tourists visit there」などの表現が適切です。より自然で正確な英語を使うことを意識しましょう。

例: My hometown is Nagasaki Prefecture, which is a rural area in Japan. It is well known because of the atomic bomb attack in 1945, and many foreign tourists visit the area to learn about its history.

提案: 内容は良いですが、同じ意味の単語を繰り返しているため冗長に感じられます。例えば、「peaceful, calm and pleasant atmosphere」は似た意味の言葉が重複しています。より簡潔で効果的な表現を心がけ、接続詞を使って文をつなげると良いでしょう。

例: My hometown is surrounded by nature, including the ocean, mountains, and rivers, which creates a peaceful and pleasant atmosphere. Therefore, many young tourists from other countries visit the area.

提案: 時制の使い方に誤りがあります。「I'll be there for 80 years」は未来形で不自然で、「I have lived there for 80 years」や「I lived there for 80 years」が適切です。また、「On the other hand」は対比を示す表現ですが、ここでは不自然なので別の接続詞を使いましょう。

例: I have lived in my hometown for 80 years. However, I had to leave to attend university in Tokyo. Nowadays, I return to my hometown at least once a year, and I really enjoy those visits.

提案: 文の構造が不明瞭で意味が伝わりにくいです。「they are always opportunities」は誤りで、文意を明確にする必要があります。また、理由を具体的に説明し、論理的に話を展開することが求められます。

例: No, I don't think my hometown is suitable for young people because many big companies, like MHA, have closed their branches and headquarters there. This has led to fewer job opportunities, so the local industry needs to improve.

× My hometown is located on rural area in Japan called Nagasaki Prefecture.

✓ My hometown is located in a rural area in Japan called Nagasaki Prefecture.

The preposition 'on' is incorrect when referring to an area; 'in' should be used. Also, 'rural area' needs an article 'a' because it is a singular countable noun.

× Nagasaki is a well known area because there was atomic bomb attack in 1945 and there are many foreign people come there to play.

✓ Nagasaki is a well-known area because there was an atomic bomb attack in 1945, and many foreign people come there to visit.

The sentence lacks the article 'an' before 'atomic bomb attack'. 'Well known' should be hyphenated as 'well-known' when used as an adjective. The phrase 'there are many foreign people come there to play' is ungrammatical; it should be 'many foreign people come there to visit' to express the intended meaning clearly.

× My hometown is filled with nature such as ocean, mountains and rivers, so it is quite a peaceful area and people can enjoy peaceful, calm and pleasant atmosphere.

✓ My hometown is filled with nature such as the ocean, mountains, and rivers, so it is quite a peaceful area and people can enjoy a peaceful, calm, and pleasant atmosphere.

When referring to specific natural features like 'ocean', the definite article 'the' is needed. Also, 'peaceful, calm and pleasant atmosphere' requires the indefinite article 'a' before 'peaceful' because 'atmosphere' is a singular countable noun. Commas are needed in the list for clarity.

× I'll be there for 80 years and at that time I had to go to university in Tokyo, so I left my hometown.

✓ I lived there for 80 years, and at that time I had to go to university in Tokyo, so I left my hometown.

'I'll be there' is future tense and incorrect here; the past tense 'I lived there' fits the context. The sentence refers to a past period, so past tense verbs should be used.

× On the other hand, right now I come back to my hometown at least once a year.

✓ On the other hand, right now I go back to my hometown at least once a year.

'Come back' is less appropriate here; 'go back' is more natural when talking about returning to a place from the speaker's current location. Also, 'right now' suggests present habitual action, so present simple tense 'go back' is correct.

× No, I don't think my hometown is a suitable place for young people because they are always opportunities as many big companies such as MHA and one with the biggest company shutting down the branch and headquarters, so they have to improve the industry.

✓ No, I don't think my hometown is a suitable place for young people because there are always opportunities lacking, as many big companies such as MHA and one of the biggest companies have shut down their branches and headquarters, so the industry needs improvement.

The original sentence has unclear pronoun references and incorrect structure. 'They are always opportunities' is incorrect; it should be 'there are always opportunities lacking' or similar. The phrase 'one with the biggest company shutting down the branch and headquarters' is unclear and ungrammatical; it should be 'one of the biggest companies have shut down their branches and headquarters'. Pronouns should clearly refer to their antecedents, and verb forms should agree with subjects.