Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid repetition and incorrect word usage such as 'hostel and hostel'. Use more precise vocabulary and keep sentences concise. Also, ensure the answer is natural and fluent.

例: My hometown is Potuvakali, a small city in the southern part of my country. It is famous for its beautiful mountains and rivers, which attract many tourists. I enjoy living there because it offers a peaceful environment away from the noise of big cities.

提案: Avoid redundancy and unclear phrases like 'So everywhere'. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and provide specific details clearly.

例: I like the natural scenery of my hometown very much. It has many rivers, green trees, and a beautiful mountain park, which attract both me and many visitors. Because of these features, it is a popular place for tourists.

提案: Focus on clear sentence structure and correct grammar. Avoid unclear phrases like 'I living' and 'from my Brom'. Provide a direct answer with supporting details.

例: I was born in my hometown, Potuvakali, and I have lived here for about 23 years. I really love this place and hope to live here forever.

提案: Use clearer and more natural expressions. Avoid repetition like 'characteristic good characteristics'. Use linking words to explain reasons logically.

例: Definitely, my hometown is a good place for young people because there are many social organizations and volunteer opportunities. These help young people develop important life skills and gain valuable experience.

× I enjoy living there because it offers the peaceful environment away from the hostel and hostel of big cities.

✓ I enjoy living there because it offers a peaceful environment away from the hustle and bustle of big cities.

The phrase 'away from the hostel and hostel of big cities' is incorrect. The correct idiom is 'hustle and bustle,' which means busy and noisy activity. Also, 'the peaceful environment' should be 'a peaceful environment' because it is a general statement.

× There are lots of rivers available in my country, in my hometown actually, and there are lots of green trees, mountain park, so it really attracts me a lot.

✓ There are lots of rivers available in my country, actually in my hometown, and there are lots of green trees and mountain parks, so it really attracts me a lot.

The phrase 'mountain park' should be plural 'mountain parks' to agree with 'lots of green trees' and maintain parallel structure. Also, the sentence structure is improved by repositioning 'actually'.

× So everywhere. That's why many people visit here.

✓ So, everywhere is beautiful. That's why many people visit here.

'So everywhere.' is an incomplete sentence lacking a verb and clear meaning. Adding 'is beautiful' completes the sentence and clarifies the idea.

× I was born in my hometown called Portugal Curry. I living. I have been living here for from my Brom.

✓ I was born in my hometown called Potuvakali. I am living here. I have been living here since my birth.

'I living' is incorrect; it should be 'I am living' to form the present continuous tense. 'For from my Brom' is unclear and incorrect; the correct phrase is 'since my birth' to indicate duration from birth to now. Also, the hometown name was inconsistent; corrected to 'Potuvakali' as in previous sentences.

× Actually it's about 20-3 years and I want to live here forever.

✓ Actually, it's about 23 years and I want to live here forever.

The phrase '20-3 years' is unclear and likely a typo; corrected to '23 years' to indicate the duration clearly. Also, added a comma after 'Actually' for correct punctuation.

× That's why I think it's very better place for young people.

✓ That's why I think it's a much better place for young people.

'Very better' is incorrect because 'better' is a comparative adjective and should not be modified by 'very.' Instead, use 'much better' or simply 'better.' Also, 'a' is needed before 'much better place'.