Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally clear but can be improved by correcting minor grammatical errors and making it more concise. Avoid redundancy such as "which with rich culture"; instead, say "with a rich culture." Also, focus on the hometown only, and avoid introducing unrelated information about living in Canada unless asked.

例: My hometown is in India, where I was born and raised. It is a vibrant place with a rich culture and friendly people.

提案: Your answer is a bit long and slightly repetitive. Try to be more concise and use linking words effectively. Also, avoid vague phrases like "makes me feel more and more happy"; instead, express your feelings clearly and naturally.

例: I like my hometown because of its rich culture, warm and friendly people, and beautiful landscapes. Moreover, the multicultural environment adds to its charm, making me feel refreshed and happy whenever I visit.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant. To improve, you can link the two sentences smoothly using linking words and avoid starting with 'However' when the contrast is not strong.

例: I lived in my hometown for about 18 years before moving to Canada two years ago for my studies and work opportunities.

提案: Your answer has some grammatical errors and lacks specificity. Instead of vague phrases like "great and all the necessities," specify what facilities or opportunities are available. Also, use correct grammar such as "the young generation" and "that are required."

例: I believe my hometown is a great place for the young generation because it offers good educational institutions, job opportunities, and recreational facilities that help them lead a healthy and prosperous life.

× It is a vibrant place which with rich culture and friendly people.

✓ It is a vibrant place with rich culture and friendly people.

The phrase 'which with' is incorrect because 'which' is unnecessary here. The correct preposition 'with' should directly follow 'place' to indicate possession or association. Removing 'which' corrects the sentence structure.

× Well, India is a livable city known for its rich culture and warm, friendly people, and the beautiful landscape and the multicultural environment also enhances its beauty.

✓ Well, India is a livable city known for its rich culture and warm, friendly people, and the beautiful landscape and the multicultural environment also enhance its beauty.

The subject 'the beautiful landscape and the multicultural environment' is plural, so the verb should be 'enhance' instead of 'enhances' to agree in number.

× Well, I believe that my hometown is a great place for young generation as it offers great and all the necessities that required for a person to live a healthy and wealthy life.

✓ Well, I believe that my hometown is a great place for the young generation as it offers all the great necessities required for a person to live a healthy and wealthy life.

The phrase 'young generation' needs the definite article 'the' to specify the group. Also, 'great and all the necessities' is awkward; 'all the great necessities' is clearer. Additionally, 'that required' should be 'required' without 'that' for correct relative clause usage.