Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan penggunaan kata yang tepat. Misalnya, gunakan 'living' bukan 'leaving', dan 'surrounded by mountains and good rivers' bukan 'surrounding by a mountain and good rifle'. Buat kalimat lebih alami dan efektif.

例: I live in the southern part of Sumatra Island, Indonesia. My hometown is really beautiful, surrounded by mountains and clear rivers, which gives it a natural charm.

提案: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan gunakan kata penghubung untuk membuat kalimat lebih koheren. Misalnya, gunakan 'places such as waterfalls and beaches' dan 'which makes me feel peaceful'.

例: I really love my hometown because it has a lot of natural scenery. I especially enjoy spending time in places such as waterfalls and beaches, which make me feel peaceful.

提案: Perbaiki pengulangan kata dan tata bahasa. Gunakan kalimat yang lebih ringkas dan jelas, serta tambahkan kata penghubung untuk kelancaran.

例: I have lived in my hometown since I was born, and I feel grateful for that because I don't like crowded places. My hometown is really quiet and serene.

提案: Perbaiki tata bahasa dan struktur kalimat. Gunakan kata yang tepat seperti 'young people' dan 'older people', serta buat kalimat lebih jelas dan alami.

例: From my perspective, my hometown is not a good place for young people because it is difficult to find a job. However, it is a great place for older people to live.

× I'm leaving in the southern part of Sumatra island, specifically in Indonesia.

✓ I live in the southern part of Sumatra island, specifically in Indonesia.

The verb 'leaving' is incorrect here; the correct verb is 'live' to indicate residence. Also, the preposition 'in' is correct for location, but the verb choice was wrong, causing confusion.

× My hometown is a really beautiful with a sense of nature surrounding by a mountain and good rifle.

✓ My hometown is really beautiful with a sense of nature surrounded by mountains and good air.

The article 'a' is incorrectly used before 'really beautiful' which is an adjective phrase. 'Surrounding' should be 'surrounded' (past participle) to describe the hometown. 'Mountain' should be plural 'mountains' to match the context. 'Good rifle' is incorrect; likely intended 'good air' or 'good climate'.

× I really love my hometown because there is a lot of natural scenery, so I really like to enjoy my time, especially in the natural place such as waterfall or beach.

✓ I really love my hometown because there is a lot of natural scenery, so I really like to enjoy my time, especially in natural places such as waterfalls or beaches.

The phrase 'the natural place' is incorrect; it should be plural 'natural places' to match 'waterfalls or beaches'. Also, 'waterfall' and 'beach' should be plural to indicate general places.

× It's really make me peaceful.

✓ It really makes me peaceful.

The verb 'make' should be in third person singular form 'makes' to agree with the subject 'It'. Also, 'It's' (It is) is correct as a subject.

× I have lived in my hometown since I was born, so I really feel grateful, Grateful for that because I don't like the crowded situation and my my hometown is really quiet and serene.

✓ I have lived in my hometown since I was born, so I really feel grateful for that because I don't like crowded situations and my hometown is really quiet and serene.

The repetition of 'Grateful' is unnecessary. 'Crowded situation' should be plural 'crowded situations' to generalize. Also, 'my my' is a typo and should be 'my'.

× From my perspective, my hometown is not a good place, especially for young people since the difficulties of searching a job.

✓ From my perspective, my hometown is not a good place, especially for young people, because it is difficult to find a job.

The phrase 'the difficulties of searching a job' is awkward and ungrammatical. It should be rephrased to 'it is difficult to find a job' for clarity and correctness.

× But if you are old people, you're really good to live in my.

✓ But if you are an older person, it is really good to live in my hometown.

'Old people' should be 'an older person' or 'older people' for grammatical correctness. 'You're really good to live in my' is incorrect; it should be 'it is really good to live in my hometown' to make sense.