Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer has some repetition and lacks clarity. Try to avoid repeating phrases like "which is which is" and be more concise. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, you can say "My hometown is Lahan, located in the Eastern Development Region, also known as Thorai. It is very beautiful because it is surrounded by greenery and forest areas."

例: My hometown is Lahan, located in the Eastern Development Region, also called Thorai. It is very beautiful because it is surrounded by lush greenery and forest areas.

提案: Your answer has some unclear words and filler sounds like "uh" and "umm". Try to use clearer vocabulary and avoid fillers. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas logically. For example, you can say "I like many things about my hometown, especially the lush greenery and forest areas. Moreover, the cultural diversity is remarkable, and people live together harmoniously, sharing different cultural values with respect."

例: I like many things about my hometown, especially the lush greenery and forest areas. Moreover, the cultural diversity is remarkable, and people live together harmoniously, sharing different cultural values with respect.

提案: Your answer is generally clear but can be improved by using correct tense and linking words. For example, instead of "I spend my childhood there," say "I spent my childhood there." Also, connect your sentences for better flow. For example, "I spent my childhood there and studied at school for almost 16 years before moving to where I currently live."

例: I spent my childhood there and studied at school for almost 16 years before moving to where I currently live.

提案: Your answer has many filler words and incomplete sentences. Try to speak more fluently and complete your ideas. Use linking words to explain reasons clearly. For example, "Yes, I think my hometown is a good place for young people because there are now many employment opportunities, which benefit them. Additionally, they can invest in businesses, as previously there were few business options."

例: Yes, I think my hometown is a good place for young people because there are now many employment opportunities, which benefit them. Additionally, they can invest in businesses, as previously there were few business options.

× My hometown is Lahan which is which is in Eastern Development Region or Thorai.

✓ My hometown is Lahan, which is in the Eastern Development Region or Thorai.

The sentence incorrectly repeats 'which is' and lacks proper punctuation. Use a comma before 'which' to introduce a non-restrictive clause and remove the repeated phrase for clarity.

× My hometown is very beautiful which is surrounded by greens and forest areas.

✓ My hometown is very beautiful and is surrounded by green and forest areas.

The phrase 'which is surrounded by greens' is awkward; 'greens' is not commonly used as a noun here. Also, 'which is' should be replaced with 'and is' to connect the ideas properly. Use 'green' as an adjective describing areas.

× I like many things about my hometown, the lust, greenery and the forestry area uh is the top most, and the cultural diversity also uh, despite of cultural diversity, people umm live with very much uh corporations and share the different cultural values with respect.

✓ I like many things about my hometown: the lush greenery and the forest area are the topmost, and also the cultural diversity. Despite the cultural diversity, people live with much cooperation and share different cultural values with respect.

'Lust' is a wrong word; it should be 'lush'. 'Forestry area' is better as 'forest area'. 'Top most' should be 'topmost'. 'Despite of' is incorrect; use 'despite'. 'Corporations' is incorrect in this context; 'cooperation' fits better. 'Very much' is unnecessary before 'cooperation'. Also, sentence structure is improved for clarity.

× I spend my childhood there.

✓ I spent my childhood there.

The verb 'spend' should be in the past tense 'spent' to match the past time reference 'childhood'.

× I studied school there for almost 16 years.

✓ I studied at school there for almost 16 years.

The phrase 'studied school' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'studied at school'.

× They also can invest on the businesses because previously there are no any businesses, so there can be an.

✓ They can also invest in businesses because previously there were no businesses, so there can be some now.

The correct preposition with 'invest' is 'in', not 'on'. 'No any' is incorrect; use 'no' or 'any' alone. The sentence was incomplete; it is corrected for clarity and completeness.