Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer provides relevant information but contains some language errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on correct word choice (e.g., 'Leslie' should be 'less densely'), avoid repetition, and ensure clarity. Also, keep sentences concise and avoid redundancy.

例: My hometown is Faringdon, a small town located about 100 kilometres from Zimbabwe's capital. It has a population of around 20,000 people. Although it is less densely populated, there are many social activities and friendly people.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant but could be improved by avoiding repetition and using more precise vocabulary. Also, try to link your ideas smoothly and provide specific examples with better sentence structure.

例: I like the people in my hometown because they are very kind and friendly. For instance, when I lived there, my neighbours often invited us for dinner and helped us during financial difficulties, which made me feel supported and welcomed.

提案: Your answer contains useful information but is somewhat fragmented and repetitive. To improve, combine sentences for better flow, correct grammar errors, and use linking words to make your response coherent.

例: I have lived there for almost 17 years since I was born. During that time, we moved between rented houses several times because we only owned a house when I was 14 years old; in total, we rented about three different houses.

提案: Your answer addresses the question but lacks clarity and contains some awkward phrasing. To improve, be more specific about the opportunities available, avoid repetition, and use linking words to connect ideas logically.

例: I believe my hometown is a good place for young people because it offers a vibrant social life and various job opportunities. For example, there are frequent social gatherings where young people can meet others and explore new industries, so there is always something happening.

× Although it's Leslie populated, there is huge social activities and so many people that are lovely.

✓ Although it's less populated, there are huge social activities and so many lovely people.

The word 'Leslie' is incorrect; the correct word is 'less' to indicate a smaller amount. Also, 'activities' is plural, so the verb should be 'are' instead of 'is'. 'So many people that are lovely' is better expressed as 'so many lovely people' for natural English.

× These are very lovely, kind people.

✓ They are very lovely, kind people.

The demonstrative pronoun 'These' is incorrect here because it refers to something physically present or just mentioned. 'They' is the correct pronoun to refer to people previously mentioned.

× They could help us even when we were in need of financial problems.

✓ They helped us even when we were in need of financial assistance.

The modal verb 'could' is less appropriate here; simple past 'helped' fits better to describe past habitual actions. Also, 'in need of financial problems' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'in need of financial assistance' or 'help'.

× I've lived there for almost 17 years since my child birth.

✓ I've lived there for almost 17 years since my birth.

The phrase 'my child birth' is incorrect; the correct term is 'my birth'. Also, 'I've lived' (present perfect) is appropriate here to indicate duration from past to present.

× Although I was there for 17 years.

✓ Although I have been there for 17 years.

The sentence fragment 'Although I was there for 17 years.' is incomplete and the tense is inconsistent with the previous sentence. Using present perfect 'have been' is better to indicate the duration up to now.

× We were changing houses to rent since we only owned a house when I was 14 years old.

✓ We were moving between rental houses since we only owned a house when I was 14 years old.

The phrase 'changing houses to rent' is awkward and incorrect. The correct expression is 'moving between rental houses' or 'renting different houses'.

× So most of the times we were renting and we rented almost three houses.

✓ So most of the time we were renting and we rented almost three houses.

The phrase 'most of the times' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'most of the time' (singular) when referring to frequency.

× I believe it's a good environment for young people because there is social life.

✓ I believe it's a good environment for young people because there is social life.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no correction needed.

× There are so many opportunities for jobs in terms of social life.

✓ There are so many job opportunities in terms of social life.

The phrase 'opportunities for jobs' is less natural than 'job opportunities'. This is a style improvement rather than a strict grammar error.

× There are gatherings, social gatherings that people can go meet new people and their new industries.

✓ There are gatherings, social gatherings where people can meet new people and their new industries.

The phrase 'people can go meet' is incorrect; it should be 'people can meet'. Also, 'their new industries' is unclear; possibly 'new industries' or 'new interests' is intended. 'Where' is the correct relative pronoun for places or events.