Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer has several grammatical errors and unclear phrases, such as 'An iPhone from Nimbin Province' and 'Is he famous'. Try to start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, and then add specific details about your hometown. Avoid confusing or incorrect words and keep your sentences concise and natural.

例: My hometown is Nimbin Province, located in the north of Vietnam. It is famous for its beautiful landscapes, including stunning mountains and scenic rivers. Many visitors come here to enjoy hiking and nature photography.

提案: Your answer is generally clear but contains some hesitations and incomplete sentences. Try to avoid filler words like 'uh' and complete your thoughts fully. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and provide specific reasons why you like your hometown.

例: I like my hometown because it is surrounded by many trees and has a very fresh atmosphere, which makes it peaceful and relaxing. Since I study in a big city, I often visit my hometown to enjoy its natural environment and escape the busy city life.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but avoid repeating words like 'many many'. Also, try to use linking words to make your answer more coherent. For example, use 'after that' or 'since then' to connect your ideas.

例: I lived in my hometown for the first 18 years of my life. After that, I moved to a big city to attend university, where I have been living since. This change gave me many new opportunities to grow and learn.

提案: Your answer has grammatical errors and unclear meaning. It seems you want to say your hometown is not an ideal place for young people due to lack of entertainment and social facilities. Try to express this clearly with correct grammar and provide specific reasons.

例: Personally, I think my hometown is not an ideal place for young people because there are few entertainment options and social facilities available for teenagers and young adults.

× An iPhone from Nimbin Province, which is located in the north of Vietnam. Is he famous for beautiful landscapes with stunning mountains and scenic rivers that attract many visitors who enjoy hiking and nature photography.

✓ I am from Nimbin Province, which is located in the north of Vietnam. It is famous for beautiful landscapes with stunning mountains and scenic rivers that attract many visitors who enjoy hiking and nature photography.

The original sentence lacks a proper subject and verb in the first part, making it a sentence fragment. Also, 'An iPhone' is incorrect and likely a mishearing or typo for 'I am from'. 'Is he famous' is incorrect; the correct subject pronoun is 'It' referring to the province. The correction provides complete sentences with proper subject-verb agreement and clarity.

× My hometown is surrounded by many trees and has very fresh atmosphere, which I love the most because it feels peaceful and relaxing.

✓ My hometown is surrounded by many trees and has a very fresh atmosphere, which I love the most because it feels peaceful and relaxing.

The phrase 'very fresh atmosphere' requires the indefinite article 'a' before 'very fresh atmosphere' because 'atmosphere' is a singular, countable noun in this context. Omitting the article is a common error with singular countable nouns.

× Also, I'm currently studying in a big city. Uh, I often visit my hometown to enjoy the natural environment, uh, and.

✓ Also, I'm currently studying in a big city. I often visit my hometown to enjoy the natural environment.

The original sentence ends abruptly with 'uh, and' which is incomplete and disrupts sentence structure. Removing the incomplete phrase results in a clear and complete sentence.

× I have lived in my hometown for the 1st 18 years of my life and then I moved to a big city to attend university where I have been living since.

✓ I have lived in my hometown for the first 18 years of my life, and then I moved to a big city to attend university where I have been living since.

The phrase '1st 18 years' is incorrect; 'first' should be spelled out and used properly as an ordinal adjective. Also, a comma is needed before 'and' to separate the two independent clauses for clarity.

× Personally, my hometown is not I an idea place for young people. There's there's are many entertainments and social facilities to teenager and young people.

✓ Personally, my hometown is not an ideal place for young people. There are many entertainment options and social facilities for teenagers and young people.

The phrase 'not I an idea place' is incorrect; it should be 'not an ideal place'. 'There's there's are' is redundant and incorrect; it should be 'There are'. 'Entertainments' is uncountable in this context, so 'entertainment options' is better. Also, 'to teenager' should be 'for teenagers'. The corrections fix pronoun misuse, article errors, and preposition errors.