Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer provides the necessary information but could be more concise and natural. Avoid unnecessary details like your current residence unless asked. Also, correct the state name to 'Chhattisgarh' if applicable, and avoid awkward phrasing like 'talking about my home country'.

例: My hometown is Bilaspur, a small town in the state of Chhattisgarh, India.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains some errors and awkward phrases like 'culture deer' and 'the involvement'. Try to be specific and clear about what you like, and use linking words to connect your ideas logically.

例: I love the rich culture of my hometown, especially the traditional festivals. Also, the close relationships I have with the local people and my family make it very special to me.

提案: Your answer repeats information and has grammatical errors. Try to answer directly and clearly, using correct grammar and avoiding redundancy. Also, clarify your feelings with proper expressions.

例: I have lived in my hometown for 25 years since I was born there. I also got married nearby, so I feel a strong sense of belonging to that place.

提案: Your answer is relevant but could be more concise and natural. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and avoid repeating phrases like 'I feel'.

例: Yes, my hometown is a great place for young people because it has a rich culture with many festivals and events that help them learn about history and traditions.

× In Australia I live in Blacktown, but talking about my home country, I'm from Bilaspur, a small town in author Pradesh state of India.

✓ In Australia, I live in Blacktown, but talking about my home country, I'm from Bilaspur, a small town in Uttar Pradesh state of India.

The preposition 'in' is correctly used, but the proper noun 'author Pradesh' is a misspelling of 'Uttar Pradesh'. Correct spelling of proper nouns is essential for clarity and correctness.

× There are many things which I love the most about my hometown.

✓ There are many things that I love most about my hometown.

The phrase 'which I love the most' is awkward here; 'that I love most' is more natural and grammatically correct. Also, 'which' is better replaced by 'that' in restrictive clauses.

× One of them is the culture deer and the others include the involvement, the relationship with people I have built an also the family that I miss a lot at the moment.

✓ One of them is the culture here, and the others include the involvement, the relationships with people I have built, and also the family that I miss a lot at the moment.

The word 'deer' is a misspelling of 'here'. Also, 'relationship' should be plural 'relationships' to match the plural subject. Commas and conjunctions are added for clarity and correct sentence structure.

× I spent 25 years of my age in my hometown.

✓ I have spent 25 years of my life in my hometown.

The phrase 'spent 25 years of my age' is incorrect; 'have spent 25 years of my life' is the correct expression to indicate duration up to now.

× I born there and I also got married to the local area near the same town.

✓ I was born there and I also got married in the local area near the same town.

The verb 'born' requires the auxiliary verb 'was' to form the passive past tense 'was born'. Also, 'got married to the local area' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'in' to indicate location.

× So I spent almost 25 years of my lives in that home town.

✓ So I spent almost 25 years of my life in that hometown.

The word 'lives' is incorrect here; the singular 'life' should be used when referring to one's own life span.

× So I feel really very belonging. NIS.

✓ So I feel a strong sense of belonging.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. 'I feel really very belonging' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'I feel a strong sense of belonging'. 'NIS' appears to be a typo or irrelevant and is removed.

× Definitely my hometown is rich in culture where people celebrate the festivals and also events are organized where the culture and the history is reflected and demonstrated.

✓ Definitely, my hometown is rich in culture where people celebrate festivals and also organize events that reflect and demonstrate the culture and history.

The phrase 'the festivals' is better as 'festivals' without 'the' because it refers to festivals in general. Also, 'events are organized' is changed to active voice 'organize events' for clarity. 'Where the culture and the history is reflected' is corrected to 'that reflect and demonstrate the culture and history' for subject-verb agreement and clarity.

× So I feel for young people it is really very important thing to learn.

✓ So I feel it is really very important for young people to learn.

The original sentence has awkward word order and missing prepositions. The corrected sentence places 'it' as the subject and includes 'for young people' properly to clarify who benefits from learning.