Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence (I’m a cardiologist and researcher), avoid filler words, and combine short fragments into complete sentences. Also correct awkward phrasing like “especially you” and use linking words to connect ideas.

例: I’m a cardiologist who also works in medical research. I really enjoy my job because discovering new findings in my research is very exciting. For example, last month I helped identify a new imaging marker that could improve diagnosis.

提案: Be more precise with vocabulary and avoid repetition. Use correct names for imaging methods (e.g., CT scan, MRI) and link sentences to make a logical flow. Give one specific detail about your role or the institution to add credibility.

例: I live in Australia and work at a cardiovascular research institute in Sydney. I focus on imaging techniques such as ultrasound, CT scans, and MRI. At my institute I lead a small team that develops protocols to improve image quality for heart disease diagnosis.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and support it with two specific reasons using linking words. Remove hesitations and correct awkward phrases like “access research materials and require and quickly.”

例: Yes, it’s a great place to work. Firstly, my colleagues are supportive, so I can discuss research problems openly. Secondly, the institute provides quick access to equipment and databases, which speeds up our experiments.

提案: Avoid repetition and use more natural verbs and tense. Replace unclear phrases like “send a lot of time on my research” with specific actions (mentor, supervise). Use linking words to explain how these factors help your career.

例: Yes, I love my workplace. My colleagues are kind and my supervisors devote a lot of time to mentoring me. As a result, I’ve had opportunities to expand my skills and broaden my career prospects in Sydney.

提案: This answer is clear but can be improved by adding a specific timeline and concrete goals. Use linking words to show sequence (first, then) and mention how your experience will help your contribution to healthcare.

例: After completing my research in Sydney, I plan to return to Japan and work as a clinical researcher at a university for two to three years. There I will gain more clinical trial experience and then apply that knowledge to improve cardiovascular care in my local hospitals.

× Oh yeah, I, I'm a worker, I'm a cardiologist and I also engage in a research field.

✓ Oh yeah, I work as a cardiologist and I also engage in research.

The original uses 'I'm a worker' which is unnatural; 'work as a cardiologist' is clearer. 'A research field' is incorrect here; use 'engage in research' or 'work in research'. Also remove redundant commas and repeated 'I'm'. Use consistent verb form 'work as' for occupation. Second person: keep sentence concise and natural.

× I really enjoy my job, especially you.

✓ I really enjoy my job, especially the research part.

'Especially you' is incorrect and makes no sense in context; likely the speaker meant the research aspect. Change to 'especially the research part' to clarify meaning and correct sentence structure.

× When I can find new things in my research field.

✓ I especially enjoy it when I can find new things in my research.

Original is a sentence fragment starting with 'When' but lacking main clause. Combine with main clause: 'I especially enjoy it when...' to form a complete sentence and place clause correctly.

× It's very exciting moment.

✓ It's a very exciting moment.

Missing definite article 'a' before 'very exciting moment'. Adding 'a' produces a grammatically correct noun phrase.

× Now I live in Australia and I work in a research institution in Sydney.

✓ I live in Australia now and I work at a research institution in Sydney.

Word order: 'I live in Australia now' is more natural. Use preposition 'at' for institutions of work rather than 'in'. Tense is present and appropriate.

× I mainly focus on the research of the cardiovascular imaging like ultrasound, CD scan and MRY.

✓ I mainly focus on cardiovascular imaging research, such as ultrasound, CT scans and MRI.

Use 'cardiovascular imaging research' rather than 'the research of'. Use 'such as' for examples. 'CD scan' and 'MRY' are incorrect abbreviations; correct forms are 'CT scan(s)' and 'MRI'. Also pluralize 'scan' when listing types.

× Our research work is very, very exciting and I can get a very good research environment here.

✓ Our research work is very exciting and I can get a very good research environment here.

Remove redundant 'very, very'. The sentence is otherwise acceptable; 'get' is informal but acceptable. No present participle issue actually — main fix is redundancy.

× My colleagues are very kind and so I can easily talk with my research issues with my colleagues and I can access, uh, research materials and require and quickly in this institution.

✓ My colleagues are very kind, so I can easily discuss my research issues with them, and I can access research materials quickly in this institution.

Original repeats 'with my colleagues' and has 'discuss with' phrasing errors. Use 'discuss my research issues with them'. Remove filler 'uh' and fix word order 'access research materials quickly'. 'Require' is incorrect here; remove it or replace with 'request' if intended.

× It's also better. It's also offer better environment.

✓ It also offers a better environment.

Subject-verb agreement and article: 'It' singular requires 'offers' (third person singular). Add article 'a' before 'better environment' and combine into one sentence for clarity.

× Yes, I really love my working environment.

✓ Yes, I really love my work environment.

'Working environment' is understandable but 'work environment' is the more natural collocation in English.

× As I noted, my colleagues are very kind and my professors send a lot of time on my research and my career.

✓ As I noted, my colleagues are very kind and my professors spend a lot of time on my research and career.

'Send' is incorrect; correct verb is 'spend' when referring to time. Also remove unnecessary 'my' before 'career' for conciseness.

× So now I think I can get a very good chance to broaden my career path here in Sydney.

✓ So now I think I have a very good chance to broaden my career path here in Sydney.

Use 'have' to indicate possession of an opportunity rather than 'get' which implies future acquisition. Present simple 'have' fits the meaning.

× So I did, I do my best.

✓ So I do my best.

'So I did, I do my best' is awkward and mixes past and present; choose present 'I do my best' to match current effort.

× Yeah, after performing research in Sydney, I will return to Japan and work as a clinical researcher in the university to get more experience and then I will contribute to my local healthcare service.

✓ After completing my research in Sydney, I will return to Japan and work as a clinical researcher at a university to gain more experience, and then I will contribute to my local healthcare service.

'Performing research' is acceptable but 'completing my research' is clearer for a finished period. Use 'at a university' not 'in the university'. Use 'gain' instead of 'get' for experience. The future tense 'will' is fine; adjust word choice and preposition.