Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Shorten and simplify the answer to make it more natural and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one supporting reason and one specific detail. Watch small errors (e.g., repeated words, article use) and keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: I work as a Registered Nurse for the Hospital Management Board in Lagos, caring for women in postnatal units. I enjoy the role because it lets me give individualized, holistic care and see mothers recover and smile after childbirth. This work feels meaningful because I can directly help families in a difficult time.

提案: Be concise and avoid repetition. Give one or two specific reasons why you like Lagos with clear linking words. Correct grammar in the supporting detail about education and use commas to separate ideas.

例: I work in Lagos State, which is a large, busy city in southwest Nigeria. I like it because there are many job opportunities and the state supports education through scholarships for students who cannot afford tuition.

提案: Make the story more concise and correct tense and repetition errors. Use linking words (for example, 'however' or 'but') to contrast feelings and outcome. Keep to 3–4 sentences and give one specific example of positive experience.

例: Yes, it's a good place to work. At first I was anxious when I arrived because I expected a difficult environment; however, my colleagues were welcoming and supportive. For example, they helped me settle in during my first week, which made the job very satisfying.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and then add one clear reason with a specific detail. Correct phrasing (e.g., 'we also provide care for women with gynecological issues') and avoid unnecessary words like 'this real'.

例: Yes, I really like my workplace. I work in a maternity hospital where we provide antenatal and postnatal care and support women with gynecological issues. The job gives me a strong sense of purpose because I can improve mothers' health and confidence.

提案: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence about your goal, then briefly list the steps you have taken and the next concrete action. Use correct names for exams and avoid unclear phrases like 'the high health'.

例: My long-term plan is to work for the NHS in the UK. To prepare, I have already completed the CBT and other required exams, and now I am preparing for the practical assessment. I hope to pass the practical exam soon so I can register and apply for jobs there.

× I work as a Registered Nurse in Hospital Management Board, Lagos where I provide optimal, holistic and individualized care for patients in postnatal units.

✓ I work as a registered nurse on the Hospital Management Board in Lagos, where I provide optimal, holistic, and individualized care for patients in postnatal units.

Use of articles and capitalization: 'Registered Nurse' and 'Hospital Management Board' should be lowercased as common nouns unless part of an official title; add the article 'the' before 'Hospital Management Board' or use 'on the' to show membership; insert a comma before 'where' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'a registered nurse on the Hospital Management Board in Lagos' to sound natural.

× I love this because it gives me the opportunity to bring smile on on their faces and also to provide service to humanity.

✓ I love this because it gives me the opportunity to bring a smile to their faces and also to provide service to humanity.

Incorrect phrase and word repetition: 'bring smile on on their faces' is ungrammatical and repeats 'on'. Use the collocation 'bring a smile to someone's face'. Suggestion: change to 'bring a smile to their faces'.

× I work in Lagos State. Lagos State is a big city in Nigeria and is located in the Southwest geopolitical zone.

✓ I work in Lagos State. Lagos is a large city in Nigeria and is located in the southwest geopolitical zone.

Redundancy and article/capitalization: 'Lagos State' is fine as a proper noun but repeating 'Lagos State' is redundant; 'Southwest' as compass direction in this context is often lowercased 'southwest'. Also 'big' can be improved to 'large'. Suggestion: use 'Lagos is a large city' for natural flow.

× I I love it because it has a lot of job opportunities and also education is very encouraged in Lagos State for students that are unable to afford their school fees they are granted.

✓ I love it because it has many job opportunities, and education is strongly encouraged; students who cannot afford their school fees are given support.

Run-on sentence and repetition: repeated 'I I' is a typing error; the sentence is long and unclear. Use a comma and semicolon or split into two sentences. Replace 'a lot of' with 'many', 'students that' with 'students who', and rephrase 'they are granted' to a clear agent and object ('are given support'). Suggestion: split into clearer clauses and use correct relative pronoun 'who'.

× Yes, it is a good place to work. I remembered when I was posted to Lagos State, I was really scared.

✓ Yes, it is a good place to work. I remember when I was posted to Lagos State I was really scared.

Incorrect past tense: 'I remembered' is incorrect for recalling a past experience in this context; use present tense 'I remember' to describe a memory. Keep 'was posted' and 'was really scared' in past as the event occurred.

× I was anxious because I felt like people within my workplace will be very toxic.

✓ I was anxious because I felt that people at my workplace would be very toxic.

Tense sequence and preposition: Use 'would' (past-in-future) to match 'felt' in the past. Use 'at my workplace' instead of 'within my workplace' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: align modal tense with the past reference.

× But on getting on getting there, I was really happy by the way they showed their love and it is very satisfying.

✓ But on getting there, I was really happy by the way they showed their love, and it was very satisfying.

Repetition and tense consistency: 'on getting on getting' repeats; remove the duplicate. Maintain past tense 'was very satisfying' to match the past event. Suggestion: use 'on getting there' and keep verbs in past.

× Would you like the place where you work?

✓ Do you like the place where you work?

Incorrect modal/question form: Examiner's question uses 'Would you like' which implies preference; however the student response should match the simple present 'Do you like...' as asked earlier. If responding to 'Would you like' meaning 'Do you like', 'Do you like' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'Do you like the place where you work?'

× Yes I do, I work in a maternity hospital where we provide antenatal and postnatal care, also will provide care for women undergoing some gynecology issue and I really love it because it gives me this real sense of satisfaction and purpose in life.

✓ Yes, I do. I work in a maternity hospital where we provide antenatal and postnatal care, and we also provide care for women with gynecological issues. I really love it because it gives me a real sense of satisfaction and purpose in life.

Missing subject and verb agreement and word choice: Insert subject 'we' before 'also will provide' and change 'will provide' to 'we also provide' to keep present tense. Use 'gynecological issues' rather than 'gynecology issue'. Add punctuation to split clauses. Suggestion: keep present simple for habitual actions and use plural 'issues'.

× As a child I have always wanted to work with NHS UK.

✓ As a child I have always wanted to work with the NHS in the UK.

Article and preposition: Add the definite article 'the' before 'NHS' and include 'in the UK' for clarity. 'Work with NHS UK' is awkward; 'the NHS in the UK' is natural. Suggestion: 'work with the NHS in the UK'.

× Even though I'm currently working in Nigeria, this is still a dream I want to bring into reality.

✓ Even though I'm currently working in Nigeria, this is still a dream I want to make a reality.

Incorrect collocation: 'bring into reality' is less idiomatic than 'make a reality'. Suggestion: use common collocation 'make a reality'.

× So I have taken all my exams, the CBT, the high health and I'm currently working towards writing my practical exam in the UK in order to achieve this dream.

✓ So I have taken all my exams—the CBT and the OET—and I'm currently working towards taking my practical exam in the UK in order to achieve this dream.

Wrong test name and verb choice: 'the high health' is unclear; likely meant 'the OET' or another exam. 'Working towards writing my practical exam' is incorrect collocation; use 'taking my practical exam'. Suggestion: use correct exam names and 'taking' for exams. Also use commas or dashes for clarity.