Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: ปรับปรุงความชัดเจนและไวยากรณ์ ฝึกสร้างประโยคหัวข้อที่ตอบตรงคำถามทันที จากนั้นเสริมรายละเอียดที่เป็นประโยชน์โดยใช้คำเชื่อม เช่น “and” หรือ “I also” ลดการซ้ำคำและใช้คำที่ถูกต้อง (เช่น “information”, “analyze” → “analysis” หรือ “analyzing”) และจัดลำดับหน้าที่ให้เป็นระบบ

例: I am currently working as a planning and policy analyst at the National Security Council in Thailand. I analyse information and develop policies related to border security and domestic and international issues. In my role, I also coordinate with colleagues across government agencies to implement these policies.

提案: แก้ไวยากรณ์และลำดับคำให้ชัดเจน ตอบด้วยประโยคหัวข้อสั้นๆ แล้วตามด้วยรายละเอียดที่เชื่อมโยง ใช้คำเชื่อมเช่น “which” หรือ “where” อย่างถูกต้อง และหลีกเลี่ยงวลีที่ไม่ชัดเจน

例: I work at the Bangkok Weather Center, which is located in the Government House. The Government House is also where the Prime Minister and cabinet have their offices, so it is an important national location.

提案: ปรับความหมายและเลือกคำให้ถูกต้อง หลีกเลี่ยงคำที่สับสนเช่น “National Hurricane” ถ้าต้องการสื่อถึงความสำคัญให้ใช้คำว่า “national symbol” หรือ “historical” เริ่มด้วยประโยคตอบตรงๆ แล้วอธิบายเหตุผลโดยใช้ linking word เช่น “because” และแบ่งเป็นประโยคสั้นๆ เพื่อความชัดเจน

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because the Government House is a national symbol and a historical site. It often hosts important guests and events, which makes the workplace prestigious and interesting.

提案: ตอบตรงคำถามและอธิบายเหตุผลที่ชัดเจน ใช้โครงสร้างประโยคที่ถูกต้อง เช่น “I like it because...” หรือ “I would prefer...” และใช้คำเชื่อมเพื่ออธิบายปัญหาหรือความต้องการ เช่น “however” หรือ “but”. แก้คำศัพท์และวลีที่ไม่ถูกต้อง (เช่น “nearly my” → “near my workplace”)

例: I like working there because it is an important national heritage site. However, commuting can be difficult, so I would prefer if there were faster public transport options near my workplace, such as an express bus or rapid transit.

提案: ปรับให้เป็นอดีต/ปัจจุบัน/อนาคตชัดเจน เริ่มด้วยประโยคหัวข้อที่ตอบตรง เช่น “I plan to...” ตามด้วยรายละเอียดและแผนการที่เป็นรูปธรรม ใช้คำเชื่อมเช่น “after” หรือ “next” และตรวจสอบไวยากรณ์ (เช่น “I have worked… for over 10 years”, “pursue a master’s degree in Conflict, Security and Development at a university in the UK”)

例: I have worked at the National Security Council for over 10 years, and this year I plan to pursue a master’s degree in Conflict, Security and Development at a university in the UK. After completing my degree, I hope to apply what I learn to my policy work and take on greater responsibilities.

× Now I am working as a plan and policy analyst in the office of National Security Council in Thailand.

✓ Now I am working as a planning and policy analyst in the Office of the National Security Council in Thailand.

The noun 'plan' should be the gerund 'planning' to form the job title; 'Office' and 'National Security Council' are proper nouns and need 'the'; word order and capitalization must be corrected. Use 'planning and policy analyst' and 'the Office of the National Security Council' for clarity.

× From my works I have a many responsibilities such as a colleague, informations, analyze, some policy, border, domestic and international.

✓ In my work I have many responsibilities such as working with colleagues, handling information, analyzing policies, and dealing with border, domestic, and international issues.

Use 'many' without 'a'; 'work' is uncountable so say 'in my work'; list items need parallel forms (working with colleagues, handling information, analyzing policies). 'Informations' is incorrect plural; use 'information'. Make items consistent and add commas.

× Now I work at Bangkok Weather Center of Thailand which the in the Government House that the same place as the Prime Minister and cabinet to have a the national.

✓ I now work at the Bangkok Weather Center of Thailand, which is in the Government House, the same place where the Prime Minister and the cabinet work.

Missing verb 'is' after 'which'; unnecessary and incorrect articles 'a the'; 'cabinet' needs 'the'; use 'where' to indicate location. Rearrange to form a clear relative clause.

× Absolutely because of the Government House is the National Hurricane for Thailand is has been many story about this place and then is a national symbol to welcome the national guest.

✓ Absolutely. The Government House is a national landmark in Thailand; there have been many stories about this place, and it is a national symbol that welcomes visiting dignitaries.

Unclear noun 'National Hurricane' is incorrect; use 'national landmark' or 'symbol'. Use 'a' before singular countable noun; replace 'is has been' with 'there have been' for plural 'stories'; 'national guest' is awkward—use 'visiting dignitaries' or 'national guests'. Break into clearer sentences.

× For me, because of the important national heritage, it seemed like that you should have the own car or you go by the public transport.

✓ For me, because it is an important national heritage site, it seems that you should have your own car or use public transportation.

Use 'it is' for clarity; 'heritage' needs 'site' or 'place'; 'seemed like that' is incorrect tense and structure—use 'seems that'; 'the own car' should be 'your own car'; 'go by the public transport' should be 'use public transportation'.

× I think that we should have the express public transport nearly my.

✓ I think we should have express public transport near me.

Use 'near me' rather than 'nearly my'; remove unnecessary 'the' and reorder 'express public transport' for natural phrasing.

× I work at the niche office of National Security Councils for over 10 years and then this year I plan for pursuing master degree in Conflict Security and Development in the University of 6 UK and I hope that I.

✓ I have worked at the niche office of the National Security Council for over 10 years, and this year I plan to pursue a master's degree in Conflict, Security and Development at a university in the UK.

Use present perfect 'have worked' for an action continuing over time; 'National Security Councils' should be singular with 'the'; 'plan for pursuing' is incorrect—use 'plan to pursue'; 'master degree' needs the possessive form 'master's degree'; 'in the University of 6 UK' is unclear—use 'at a university in the UK'. Remove the incomplete trailing clause and keep sentence complete.