Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Keep answers concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence (I work in banking) and then add 1–2 specific details. Correct singular/plural and collocations (e.g., “high-net-worth clients,” “financial advisory services”). Avoid redundancies and long run-on sentences.

例: I work in the banking sector. I manage a portfolio of high-net-worth clients and provide financial advisory services, such as helping them open accounts and planning investments.

提案: Answer directly, then give one or two specific responsibilities. Reduce hesitation words (uh, well) and fix grammar (customers' portfolio). Use linking words like 'and' or 'so' to connect points smoothly.

例: I work at Axis Bank, which is India’s third-largest private bank. I am a deputy manager, responsible for supervising a small team and managing customers' portfolios.

提案: Give a clear reason and one specific example. Remove repetition and filler words, and correct grammar (e.g., “gain knowledge from banking advisors,” “help customers find their investment goals,” “I am thrilled to work here”). Use a linking word like 'because' or 'and' to connect ideas.

例: Yes, it is a great place to work because I can learn from experienced banking advisors and help customers achieve their investment goals. I’m thrilled to be part of a team that supports clients' financial planning.

提案: Expand slightly beyond a one-word answer. Give a short reason or specific detail to support your opinion (1–2 sentences). Avoid fillers like 'uh.'

例: Yes, I like working there because the team is supportive and I have opportunities to develop my leadership skills.

提案: State a clear, grammatically correct goal and add one specific reason or plan. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like 'societal compliments.' Use linking words such as 'so that' or 'because' to explain motivation.

例: In the future I want to become a manager so I can provide stronger financial support to clients and contribute positively to the community by promoting financial inclusion.

× I am currently working in a banking sector where I manage a portfolio of a clients which is a high network clients providing them a banking services and a financial advisors such as helping them to open their account.

✓ I am currently working in the banking sector where I manage a portfolio of clients who are high-net-worth, providing them banking services and financial advice, such as helping them to open their accounts.

Errors: incorrect articles ('a banking sector', 'a clients', 'a banking services', 'a financial advisors'), plural forms and noun forms. Use 'the banking sector' for the industry, 'clients' (no article before plural), 'high-net-worth clients' as a compound adjective, 'banking services' (no article), 'financial advice' (uncountable) and 'their accounts' (plural possessive). Suggestion: use correct articles for countable/uncountable nouns and correct plural/singular forms.

× I am currently working in a banking sector where I manage a portfolio of a clients which is a high network clients providing them a banking services and a financial advisors such as helping them to open their account.

✓ I am currently working in the banking sector where I manage a portfolio of clients who are high-net-worth, providing them banking services and financial advice, such as helping them to open their accounts.

Errors: 'high network clients' is incorrect adjective order and word choice; correct term is 'high-net-worth clients'. Also 'financial advisors' should be 'financial advice' in this context. Suggestion: use established adjective phrases and uncountable noun 'advice' when referring to the service.

× I am currently working in a banking sector where I manage a portfolio of a clients which is a high network clients providing them a banking services and a financial advisors such as helping them to open their account.

✓ I am currently working in the banking sector where I manage a portfolio of clients who are high-net-worth, providing them banking services and financial advice, such as helping them to open their accounts.

Errors: 'which is a high network clients' mixes singular verb 'is' with plural 'clients'. Use relative clause 'who are' to agree with plural 'clients'. Suggestion: match verb number to subject number and use appropriate relative pronoun for people ('who').

× I am currently working in a banking sector where I manage a portfolio of a clients which is a high network clients providing them a banking services and a financial advisors such as helping them to open their account.

✓ I am currently working in the banking sector where I manage a portfolio of clients who are high-net-worth, providing them banking services and financial advice, such as helping them to open their accounts.

Error: 'helping them to open their account' uses awkward preposition/structure. Better: 'helping them open their accounts' (omit 'to' after 'help' and use plural 'accounts'). Suggestion: use correct verb patterns after 'help' and match plurality.

× Well, I work at Axis Bank, which is India's third largest private bank, uh, where I am uh, deputy manager and I am responsible for supervising a small team and handling customers portfolio.

✓ Well, I work at Axis Bank, which is India's third-largest private bank, where I am a deputy manager and I am responsible for supervising a small team and handling customers' portfolios.

Errors: missing article before job title ('a deputy manager'), incorrect possessive and plural ('customers portfolio' should be 'customers' portfolios' or 'customer portfolios'). Suggestion: use 'a' before a singular job title and add possessive apostrophe and plural for multiple customers' portfolios.

× Yes, it is a good place to work because I can, I can gain my knowledge from a banking advisors and also provide a services which can, uh, help to the customer to find their, uh, investment goals.

✓ Yes, it is a good place to work because I can gain knowledge from banking advisors and also provide services that can help customers find their investment goals.

Errors: pronoun and determiner misuse: 'gain my knowledge' is unnatural; 'a banking advisors' mismatches singular article and plural noun; 'provide a services' wrong article; 'help to the customer to find their' incorrect use of 'to' and singular/plural mismatch. Suggestion: use 'gain knowledge' or 'gain experience', remove incorrect articles, use 'that can help customers find their investment goals'.

× And I am very thrilled that I am working in a bank.

✓ I am very thrilled to be working in a bank.

Style and tense: 'that I am working' is grammatical but wordy. Use 'thrilled to be working' as a concise present-tense expression of current state. Suggestion: prefer 'thrilled to be' + -ing for emotional states about current activities.

× My future work plan is I want to be a manager that gives a benefit for, uh, financial support as well as, uh, societal, uh, societal. Compliments. Which is more important for me to?

✓ My future career plan is to become a manager who can provide financial support as well as social benefits, which is most important to me.

Multiple structural errors: 'My future work plan is I want' is redundant; use infinitive 'to become'. 'That gives a benefit for, financial support' is awkward; use 'who can provide financial support'. Repeated word 'societal' and 'Compliments' are incorrect. 'Which is more important for me to?' is an incomplete question. Suggestion: simplify and combine ideas into one clear sentence using 'to become' and appropriate nouns ('social benefits').