Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve fluency and clarity by removing hesitations and redundancies, use a clear topic sentence then two concise supporting details. Correct minor grammar (e.g., “assess patients for hearing and balance issues” and avoid repeating phrases like “help them to”). Aim for 2–3 sentences with linking words like “and” or “by” to connect ideas.

例: I work as an audiologist and have been in this field for six years. I assess patients for hearing and balance issues and provide treatments and devices to improve their quality of life. For example, I fit hearing aids and offer rehabilitation exercises to help patients communicate better.

提案: Use correct vocabulary and grammar (audiologist, in a hospital, geriatric population). Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail and a linking word. Avoid extra adjectives unless they add information.

例: I work as an audiologist in a hospital. I see patients of all ages, from newborns to the elderly, and I work closely with an experienced team who guide me clinically.

提案: Give one clear reason and one specific example. Fix grammar (well-equipped, cooperative teammates). Use linking words like “because” or “so” to make ideas coherent. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because the department is well-equipped and I see patients from newborns to older adults. This variety helps me gain broad clinical experience, and my cooperative teammates make collaboration easy.

提案: Be natural but avoid hyperbole and repetition. Use one topic sentence stating your opinion, then give two specific supporting points connected by linking words (e.g., “because” and “also”). Check small errors (top-notch, latest devices).

例: Yes, I really enjoy working there because the department has top-notch technology and access to the latest diagnostic devices. Also, collaboration with other departments is very smooth, which improves patient care.

提案: Use formal vocabulary (avoid “wanna”, use “want to”), remove filler words, and structure answer: one topic sentence about main plan, then two specific goals with linking words (e.g., “for example”, “also”). Correct grammar (master's degree).

例: I plan to continue working in audiology and develop my clinical skills by treating more complex cases. For example, I want to gain experience with challenging balance disorders, and I would also like to pursue a master’s degree if my schedule allows.

× 'I work as an audiologist, have been working in this field for the past six years.'

✓ 'I work as an audiologist and have been working in this field for the past six years.'

'I work as an audiologist, have been working...' is a run-on lacking a coordinating conjunction; the subject 'I' should link both verbs with 'and' to show two related actions. Suggestion: add 'and' to connect clauses.'

× 'What I basically do is I assess patients for the hearing and balancing issues and help them to help them to improve their quality of life, umm by through various treatments and by providing some.'

✓ 'What I basically do is assess patients for hearing and balance issues and help them improve their quality of life through various treatments and by providing support.'

'What I basically do is I assess...' contains redundant pronoun 'I' after 'is' (infinitive or base form is preferred), incorrect nouns 'the hearing and balancing issues' (use uncountable 'hearing' and noun 'balance'), repeated phrase 'help them to help them to', awkward 'by through', and an incomplete ending 'providing some'. Suggestions: use base verb after 'is' ('assess'), change nouns to 'hearing and balance issues', remove repetition, use either 'by' or 'through' (not both), and complete the object (e.g., 'providing support').

× 'I work as an audio logistian in hospital.'

✓ 'I work as an audiologist in a hospital.'

'in hospital' is nonstandard in this context; English requires an article with 'hospital' unless using British idiom 'in hospital' meaning admitted as a patient. Also 'audio logistian' is misspelled; correct occupation is 'audiologist'. Suggestion: use 'in a hospital' and correct spelling.'

× 'It's a beautiful setup where I get to see patients across all age groups, starting from newborn babies to geriatric population, and I have a lovely teammates who help me and provide me with guidance.'

✓ 'It's a beautiful setup where I get to see patients across all age groups, from newborn babies to the geriatric population, and I have lovely teammates who help and guide me.'

'starting from... to geriatric population' needs 'the' before 'geriatric population' and 'starting' can be omitted for conciseness. 'a lovely teammates' mixes singular article with plural noun; remove 'a' and use 'lovely teammates'. 'provide me with guidance' is acceptable but 'help and guide me' is more natural. Suggestions: add 'the', remove incorrect article, and streamline phrasing.'

× 'I have a lovely teammates who help me and provide me with guidance.'

✓ 'I have lovely teammates who help me and provide me with guidance.'

'I have a lovely teammates' mixes singular adjective 'a lovely' with plural noun 'teammates'. Either singular ('a lovely teammate who helps me...') or plural without 'a' should be used. Suggestion: make number agreement consistent.'

× 'It has a very well equipped department and I get access to patients across different age groups.'

✓ 'It has a very well-equipped department and I get access to patients from different age groups.'

'well equipped' should be hyphenated as a compound adjective before a noun ('well-equipped department'). 'across different age groups' is understandable but 'from different age groups' is slightly more natural here. Suggestion: hyphenate compound adjectives and choose the best preposition.'

× 'Also I have a very cooperative teammates.'

✓ 'Also I have very cooperative teammates.'

'a very cooperative teammates' is ungrammatical because 'a' indicates singular while 'teammates' is plural. Remove 'a' or make noun singular. Suggestion: match article with noun number.'

× 'Would you like the place where you work?'

✓ 'Do you like the place where you work?'

'Would you like the place where you work?' can be interpreted as asking permission or hypothetically wanting the place; the intended meaning is preference, which is expressed with 'Do you like...'. Suggestion: use 'Do you like' for asking about liking.'

× 'Yes, absolutely I adore it.'

✓ 'Yes, I absolutely adore it.'

'absolutely' is an adverb modifying 'adore' and is typically placed before the verb for emphasis; placing it after 'Yes,' is acceptable but 'Yes, I absolutely adore it.' sounds more natural. Suggestion: place adverb before verb or after subject.'

× 'The technology is top notch in the department, I get access to latest tech devices and also the collaboration among various departments is so smooth and flawless.'

✓ 'The technology in the department is top-notch; I have access to the latest tech devices, and collaboration among various departments is smooth and flawless.'

'top notch' should be hyphenated as 'top-notch'. The sentence is a comma splice; use a semicolon or period. 'access to latest tech devices' needs the definite article 'the' before 'latest'. 'the collaboration among various departments is so smooth' is wordy; remove 'so'. Suggestion: hyphenate, fix article use, and correct sentence joining.'

× 'So I give 10 on 10 for this workplace.'

✓ 'So I give it a 10 out of 10 for this workplace.'

'give 10 on 10' is nonstandard phrasing; common idiom is 'give it a 10 out of 10' or 'give this workplace a 10 out of 10'. Suggestion: use idiomatic expression.'

× 'I wanna thrive better in future in the same department that is in the field of audiology, uh, probably get to experience more difficult patients and learn and get better clinically.'

✓ 'I want to thrive further in the future in the same department, that is, in the field of audiology, and probably see more challenging patients to learn and improve clinically.'

'wanna' is informal slang; use 'want to'. 'thrive better' is awkward — 'thrive further' or 'do better' is preferable. 'in future' needs 'in the future'. 'get to experience more difficult patients' should be 'see more challenging patients'. Run-on structure and missing conjunctions: add 'and' and commas. Suggestion: use standard vocabulary, correct tense/phrasing, and add conjunctions.'

× 'Also, if the department permits or if the time permits, I would like to do some masters degree in this.'

✓ 'Also, if the department permits or if time permits, I would like to do a master's degree in this field.'

'some masters degree' is incorrect: use 'a master's degree'. 'in this' is vague; use 'in this field' or 'in audiology'. 'if the time permits' can be shortened to 'if time permits' for naturalness. Suggestion: use correct article and possessive form for degree and specify the field.'