Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct at the start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I am working right now.”). Keep answers concise (max 4–5 sentences). Use correct grammatical structures (e.g., “I provide makeup services” not “a makeup services”), and vary vocabulary slightly (e.g., “advise on skincare” rather than “accommodate their needs”). Add one specific example (e.g., a typical client request) to make the answer more concrete. Watch subject-verb agreement and articles.

例: I am working right now as a makeup artist and beauty advisor at Sephora. I provide makeup services and advise customers on skincare and cosmetics. For example, I often help clients build a daily routine for sensitive skin. This role involves both hands-on services and product recommendations.

提案: Answer directly and avoid repetition and fillers (remove “as I mentioned”, “uh”). Use one clear sentence: company name, your role, and one brief detail. Correct small grammar errors (e.g., “my post is” → “my position is” or better “I am a professional makeup artist”). Consider adding a short linking phrase if you give more detail.

例: I work at Sephora, which is a retail brand owned by LVMH. I am a professional makeup artist and beauty advisor there, helping customers choose products and offering makeup services.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence and then give concise reasons using linking words (e.g., “However,” “Because”). Avoid vague or incorrect expressions (“futuristic career for the peoples” unclear). Be specific: mention pros (friendly environment, training) and cons (limited long-term growth for specialists) and correct grammar (e.g., “people,” “ideal”).

例: Yes, overall it’s a good place to work because it offers training and customer-service experience. However, it may not be ideal long-term if you want to build a scientific or managerial career, since promotion paths are limited for specialists. For students, though, it’s an excellent start.

提案: Give a direct answer first (e.g., “Yes, I like it.”), then provide specific reasons with linking words. Remove fillers (“uh”) and improve phrasing (“cozy mall in Montreal,” “a lot of parking”). Mention one more concrete detail about the job environment to enrich the answer. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I like my workplace. It’s in a cozy mall in Montreal with plenty of parking, and my commute is only about 50 minutes. The store atmosphere is friendly, which makes my shifts enjoyable.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence about your plan, then add specific steps or timeline. Fix repetition and grammar (“to have A to have,” “scientific scientific”). Use linking words like “so” or “therefore” to explain how your background connects to your plan. Provide one concrete example of the type of company or product you want to develop.

例: I studied chemical engineering, and I plan to start my own cosmetics company. I want to combine my scientific background with beauty product development, for example creating gentle skincare formulated for sensitive skin. To do this, I will gain more industry experience and then begin developing prototypes.

× Feel that right now I am.

✓ I feel that I am a student right now.

The original sentence is missing a subject and has awkward structure. Adding the subject 'I' and completing the idea clarifies meaning and fits the question context. Use 'I feel that I am a student right now' to make a complete sentence.

× My main role at Sephora is to provide a makeup services for the clients and also accommodate all their needs about skin care and makeup products and build a routine for their need.

✓ My main role at Sephora is to provide makeup services for clients, accommodate their needs regarding skin care and makeup products, and build routines for them.

Use no article before uncountable plural 'makeup services' and remove 'the' before 'clients' for general reference. 'About' should be replaced with 'regarding' or 'on' for clarity. Use plural 'routines' and 'for them' to match plural clients. Sentence structure simplified for clarity.

× As I mentioned, I work, I am working at Sephora, it's a retail branch of LVMH and uh, I my post is professional makeup artist and beauty advisor.

✓ As I mentioned, I work at Sephora; I am a professional makeup artist and beauty advisor at a retail branch of LVMH.

Remove redundant clauses and correct word order. Use 'I am a professional makeup artist' rather than 'I my post is'. Place 'at a retail branch of LVMH' after Sephora for clarity. Use present simple 'I work' and present continuous only if emphasizing ongoing action.

× If I want to be honest with you, yes, it is a good place, but it is not a futuristic career for the peoples.

✓ If I am honest with you, yes, it is a good place, but it is not a futuristic career for people.

'People' is the correct plural form; 'the peoples' is incorrect here. Also 'If I am honest with you' is the natural collocation. 'Futuristic' is unusual for career; consider 'a long-term career' or 'a future-proof career'.

× If you want to be a director or leader, maybe it would be a good place and it has a like a career prospect.

✓ If you want to be a director or leader, it might be a good place because it offers career prospects.

Replace 'would' with 'might' for possibility and simplify phrase. Remove duplicate 'a like' and use plural 'career prospects'. Use 'offers' to express availability.

× But for the student it's a ideal place.

✓ But for a student, it's an ideal place.

Use the indefinite article 'a' before general 'student' and 'an' before 'ideal' because 'ideal' begins with a vowel sound. Also reorder to 'for a student' for natural word order.

× Uh, my workplace is not bad, but I really like the place I am working because it is one of the cozy mall at Montreal with a lot of parking lot and I can access to my job place in just 50 minutes.

✓ My workplace is not bad, but I really like it because it is in one of the cozy malls in Montreal with a lot of parking, and I can get to my job in just 50 minutes.

Correct noun forms: 'malls' plural, 'in Montreal' preposition, 'parking lot' simplified to 'parking'. Remove 'access to' and use 'get to' or 'reach'. 'Job place' should be 'job' or 'workplace'. Improve sentence flow and prepositions.

× I have studied chemical engineering.

✓ I studied chemical engineering.

Both 'I have studied' and 'I studied' can be correct, but in answering about education and future plans in a neutral past context, simple past 'I studied' is more natural, indicating completed education. Use present perfect if emphasizing experience relevant to now.

× My future work plan is to have A to have my own company with the linking of scientific scientific background and cosmetic.

✓ My future plan is to have my own company that links my scientific background with cosmetics.

Remove duplicate 'A to have' and repeated 'scientific'. Use 'links my scientific background with cosmetics' to express the intended connection. 'Future plan' is sufficient; 'work' can be omitted or 'career plan' used.