Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more natural. Start with a concise topic sentence, correct institution names, and avoid redundancy. Use one or two supporting details with linking words. Also fix grammar (e.g., "I am a student at the University of Stirling and the University of Hull" or name only one). Replace vague phrase "broaden my expansion" with specific benefits such as "improve my language skills and cultural understanding."

例: I'm a student at the University of Stirling, where I study Translation and Interpreting. I chose this major because it improves my language skills and deepens my understanding of different cultures, which I think will help my future career.

提案: Answer directly and concisely. Begin with a clear topic sentence stating your current status, then give brief future work plans with linking words. Avoid awkward expressions like "drive myself into." Use phrases such as "plan to go into" or "intend to pursue."

例: I'm currently a student and I don't have a full-time job. However, after I graduate I plan to go into education and work as a teacher or trainer because I enjoy helping others learn.

提案: Be specific about what makes the place good to work. Start with a direct answer (Yes/No) and then give 1–2 clear reasons using linking words. Replace vague terms like "greater atmosphere" with concrete details such as "lots of professional opportunities," "many cultural activities," or "strong industry networks."

例: Yes, I think Beijing is a good place to work. For example, it offers many professional opportunities and networking events, and there are abundant cultural activities that make life more interesting.

提案: Keep the answer focused and eliminate fillers like "uh yeah." Begin with a clear statement of feeling, then give two concise, specific reasons with a linking phrase. Vary vocabulary to avoid repetition (e.g., "networking opportunities," "career events").

例: Yes, I like working in Beijing. It offers many networking opportunities and career events for young people, which helps me meet professionals and develop my skills.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and then specific reasons with linking words. Use natural phrasing (e.g., "I plan to pursue a career in education") and explain how this career fits your goals with concrete examples (teaching, curriculum development). Avoid repetition and improve grammar ("it can improve my communication" -> "it will improve my communication skills").

例: I plan to pursue a career in education, for example as a teacher or curriculum developer. I want to help young people develop practical skills, and working with students will also improve my communication and classroom-management abilities.

× I am a student studying in the University of Stirling and UH.

✓ I am a student studying at the University of Stirling and UH.

Use the preposition 'at' with 'university' to indicate attendance. 'In the University' is incorrect in this context. Also include the definite article 'the' before 'University of Stirling' because it is a specific institution.

× My major is translation and interpreting.

✓ My major is Translation and Interpreting.

As a formal name of a program, capitalize the major. This is not a grammar error in structure but capitalizing makes it a proper noun and clearer in context.

× I love my major 'cause it has it can broaden my expansion.

✓ I love my major because it can broaden my horizons.

Use 'because' instead of informal ''cause'. Remove redundant verbs 'has it can'. 'Broaden my expansion' is unnatural; the correct idiom is 'broaden my horizons'.

× Well, actually I'm a student studying in the University of Sterling, but for my work path, I plan to drive myself into education when I graduate from the university.

✓ Well, actually I'm a student studying at the University of Stirling, and after I graduate I plan to pursue a career in education.

Use 'at' with 'University' and correct the spelling 'Stirling'. 'Drive myself into education' is not natural—use 'pursue a career in education'. Simplify the clause order for clarity and correct article consistency.

× I have worked in Beijing, which is a capital city of China, and I think Beijing is a great place for me to work because it has greater atmosphere.

✓ I have worked in Beijing, which is the capital city of China, and I think Beijing is a great place for me to work because it has a vibrant atmosphere.

Use the definite article 'the' before 'capital city' for a unique entity. 'Greater atmosphere' is incorrect collocation; use 'a vibrant atmosphere' or 'a lively atmosphere'. Also keep consistent article use: 'a vibrant atmosphere'.

× Yes, I have worked in Beijing and I really love Beijing for the reason that Beijing has many opportunities for young people to attend many events and go networking and uh yeah.

✓ Yes, I have worked in Beijing and I really love it because there are many opportunities for young people to attend events and network.

Avoid repeating 'Beijing' and use the pronoun 'it'. Use 'there are' to introduce opportunities. 'Go networking' should be 'network' (verb) or 'attend networking events'. Remove filler 'uh yeah' for clarity.

× Where I plan to pursue a career in education because I love the feeling that I can help young people and improve their skills and also it can improve my communication.

✓ I plan to pursue a career in education because I enjoy helping young people improve their skills, and it will also improve my communication skills.

The original begins with 'Where' incorrectly; start with 'I plan'. Combine clauses clearly: 'because I enjoy helping...' is more natural than 'love the feeling that I can help'. Use 'will' for future effect and specify 'communication skills'.