Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer has some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity. Try to use correct verb tenses and simpler, clearer sentences. Also, avoid redundancy and keep your answer concise, ideally within 5 sentences. For example, start with a clear topic sentence and then add supporting details logically.

例: I used to work as a hair stylist in a beauty salon, but now I have decided to move to another country. Currently, I am focusing on improving my English skills so I can communicate better with my teachers and classmates. I study English at home on my own.

提案: Your answer repeats some information and uses many filler words like 'uh'. Try to avoid fillers and redundancy. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Keep your answer focused and clear with specific details.

例: I work as a hair stylist in a beauty salon, which I enjoy because I get to interact with energetic and young customers every day. However, I am currently seeking new opportunities to grow my career.

提案: Your answer has good content but is affected by many filler words and some grammatical mistakes. Try to reduce fillers and improve sentence structure. Use linking words like 'because' and 'also' to make your answer coherent. Provide specific examples of support from colleagues and managers.

例: Yes, it is a great place to work because I have fantastic colleagues who support each other to achieve our goals. Also, my managers are encouraging and provide good facilities to help us perform well.

提案: Your answer is generally clear but contains many filler words and some awkward phrasing. Try to avoid fillers and use more precise vocabulary. Also, use linking words like 'however' and 'overall' effectively to organize your ideas. Keep sentences concise and grammatically correct.

例: Definitely, I enjoy going to work because it is a great environment. However, sometimes we face challenges with clients or colleagues. Overall, though, I find the job joyful and interesting.

提案: Your answer has some unclear phrases and grammatical errors. Try to express your ideas more clearly and use correct verb tenses. Also, avoid vague expressions like 'eager to earth'. Use linking words to contrast your plans and provide specific details about your interests.

例: I have decided to continue my education abroad by studying industrial engineering. In the future, I hope to work in a field related to this major. However, I am also passionate about art, such as drawing, and I might pursue a career in that area as well.

× In the past I are working the beauty salon as a hero stylist, but nowadays I decided to move to another country.

✓ In the past I worked at the beauty salon as a hair stylist, but nowadays I have decided to move to another country.

The original sentence has a subject-verb agreement error with 'I are working' which is incorrect. The correct past tense form is 'I worked'. Also, 'hero stylist' seems to be a typo and should be 'hair stylist'. Additionally, 'have decided' fits better with 'nowadays' to indicate a recent decision.

× So I try to enhance my English as a second language to interact with my teachers and classmates and I study at home by my own self.

✓ So I try to improve my English as a second language to interact with my teachers and classmates, and I study at home by myself.

The phrase 'enhance my English' is less common; 'improve my English' is more natural. Also, 'by my own self' is incorrect; the correct reflexive pronoun is 'by myself'.

× As I told before, I work in the beauty salon as a hairy stylist and it was joyful for me because, uh, every day I interact with some, uh, energetic and, uh, young customers.

✓ As I told before, I work in the beauty salon as a hair stylist and it is joyful for me because every day I interact with energetic and young customers.

The word 'hairy stylist' is incorrect; it should be 'hair stylist'. Also, 'it was joyful' should be 'it is joyful' to match the present tense 'I work'.

× Uh, that was, uh, joyful. Uh, but nowadays, uh, I try to, uh, make a new opportunity for myself.

✓ That is joyful. But nowadays, I try to create new opportunities for myself.

The phrase 'make a new opportunity' is unnatural; 'create new opportunities' is more appropriate. Also, 'that was joyful' should be 'that is joyful' to reflect current feelings.

× Definitely yes, because I had several fantastic colleagues who, uh, helped each other to achieve our goals and, uh, they also supportive and then, umm, the another reason that I like my work, that I like my work, uh, where my managers, they're also encouraging and, uh, they make a good, uh, facilities to, uh, support us.

✓ Definitely yes, because I have several fantastic colleagues who help each other to achieve our goals, and they are also supportive. Another reason I like my work is that my managers are encouraging and they provide good facilities to support us.

The sentence has tense inconsistency ('had' should be 'have'), missing verbs ('they also supportive' should be 'they are also supportive'), and awkward phrasing ('the another reason' should be 'another reason'). Also, 'make a good facilities' is incorrect; 'provide good facilities' is correct.

× Definitely, yes. I'm really eager to go to my work because it was so perfect. However, sometimes we face, uh, several, uh, issues about the clients or sometimes about the, uh, colleagues.

✓ Definitely, yes. I'm really eager to go to my work because it is so perfect. However, sometimes we face several issues with clients or sometimes with colleagues.

The phrase 'it was so perfect' should be 'it is so perfect' to match the present tense 'I'm really eager'. Also, 'issues about the clients' should be 'issues with clients' for correct preposition usage.

× But, uh, overall it was, uh, joyful and interesting and I'm really, uh, find myself in this place.

✓ But overall, it is joyful and interesting, and I really find myself in this place.

The phrase 'I'm really find myself' is incorrect; it should be 'I really find myself'. Also, 'it was' should be 'it is' to maintain present tense consistency.

× I decided to continue my education abroad so I choose the industrial engineering and in future maybe I will do some work that related to this major.

✓ I have decided to continue my education abroad, so I have chosen industrial engineering, and in the future, maybe I will do some work related to this major.

The sentence mixes past and present tenses incorrectly. 'I decided' should be 'I have decided' to indicate recent decision. 'I choose' should be 'I have chosen'. Also, 'that related' should be 'related' without 'that'.

× However, I'm eager to earth and maybe I continue the art like drawing and make my future with this field.

✓ However, I'm eager to learn, and maybe I will continue with art like drawing and build my future in this field.

The phrase 'eager to earth' is incorrect; likely intended 'eager to learn'. Also, 'continue the art like drawing' is awkward; 'continue with art like drawing' is better. 'Make my future with this field' should be 'build my future in this field' for correct preposition usage.