Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer provides relevant information but is a bit long and slightly unclear due to some grammatical errors. Try to make your response more concise and clear by directly answering the question first, then adding brief supporting details. Also, avoid redundancy and improve sentence structure for better clarity.

例: I am currently a student. I recently completed my BSc in Home Economics, majoring in Food and Nutrition because I am passionate about helping people improve their diets.

提案: Your answer contains useful information but has grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. To improve, respond directly to the question, use correct grammar, and organize your answer clearly. Also, avoid run-on sentences and clarify reasons with linking words.

例: I am not working at the moment. Last year, I worked as an assistant manager at a multinational company, but I had to quit to support my partner's studies.

提案: Your answer is positive and descriptive but could be improved by using more precise vocabulary and better linking words to connect ideas. Also, avoid repeating similar ideas and try to be more concise.

例: Yes, it was a great place to work. The environment was peaceful, and my colleagues were friendly and passionate about their jobs, which made the workplace enjoyable.

提案: Your answer shows positive feelings but has grammatical errors and some redundancy. To improve, use correct verb forms, avoid repeating the same idea, and organize your answer logically with linking words.

例: Yes, I liked the place where I worked because the friendly staff, including HR, helped me expand my knowledge about technology and created a supportive environment.

提案: Your answer communicates your goals but is repetitive and lacks clear structure. To improve, state your future plans clearly and support them with specific reasons or intentions, using linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: I have recently completed my bachelor's degree in Food and Nutrition. My goal is to become a nutritionist so I can help people improve their diets and manage health issues through proper nutrition and physical activity.

× Well I am currently a student I have just finished my BSc from Bengals Home economics.

✓ Well, I am currently a student. I have just finished my BSc from Bengals Home Economics.

The original sentence is a run-on sentence lacking proper punctuation to separate two independent clauses. Adding a period and a comma improves clarity and sentence structure.

× My I am majoring in food and nutrition because I love to help people in their diet and I am interested in this topic.

✓ I am majoring in food and nutrition because I love to help people with their diet and I am interested in this topic.

The phrase 'My I am' is incorrect and likely a typo. Also, 'help people in their diet' should be 'help people with their diet' to use the correct preposition.

× Currently I am not working anymore I but last year I was working in a multinational company where I was a assistant manager and for my partner study I have to quit my job.

✓ Currently, I am not working anymore, but last year I was working in a multinational company where I was an assistant manager. I had to quit my job to support my partner's studies.

The original sentence is a run-on with missing commas and incorrect article usage ('a assistant' should be 'an assistant'). Also, 'for my partner study' is incorrect; it should be 'to support my partner's studies' for clarity and correctness.

× Obviously it's a good place for work.

✓ Obviously, it's a good place to work.

The phrase 'a good place for work' is less natural than 'a good place to work.' The preposition 'to' is more appropriate here.

× The environment of our company was so peaceful and calm and my colleague was very friendly and so passionate about their work and I love the place actually.

✓ The environment of our company was so peaceful and calm, and my colleagues were very friendly and so passionate about their work. I actually love the place.

'My colleague was' should be plural 'my colleagues were' to agree with 'their work.' Also, the sentence is long and benefits from punctuation for clarity.

× Yes, I like the place where I worked. The people of our company was so friendly which helped me to grow my knowledge about technology and I love the people there and our company here.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I worked. The people in our company were so friendly, which helped me grow my knowledge about technology. I love the people there and our company.

'The people... was' is incorrect; 'people' is plural and requires 'were.' Also, the sentence is long and needs punctuation for clarity.

× The HR was so friendly with us and that's why I like the place more.

✓ The HR department was so friendly to us, and that's why I like the place more.

'The HR' is vague; 'The HR department' is clearer. Also, 'friendly with us' is better expressed as 'friendly to us.'

× So I currently finished my bachelor degree in food and nutrition.

✓ I have currently finished my bachelor's degree in food and nutrition.

The original sentence mixes tenses and lacks possessive form. 'Bachelor degree' should be 'bachelor's degree,' and present perfect tense 'have finished' is appropriate for recent completion.

× I always wanted to become a nutritionist so that I can help people in their diet and health issue.

✓ I have always wanted to become a nutritionist so that I can help people with their diet and health issues.

'Always wanted' should be 'have always wanted' to indicate a continuing desire. Also, 'help people in their diet and health issue' should be 'help people with their diet and health issues' for correct preposition and plural form.

× So I want to help them in their health issues and the physical activities.

✓ So, I want to help them with their health issues and physical activities.

The phrase 'help them in their health issues' should be 'help them with their health issues.' Also, 'the physical activities' is better without 'the' unless referring to specific activities.