Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Please try to use correct vocabulary and grammar. For example, instead of 'senior scandal', say 'senior school' or 'senior secondary education'. Also, avoid unnecessary words like 'the' before 'abroad'. Keep your answer clear and concise.

例: I recently completed my senior secondary education in commerce. Now, I am preparing for the IELTS exam because I want to study abroad.

提案: Try to make your sentences grammatically correct and avoid redundancy. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, instead of 'and there and my college is in near my hometown', say 'which is near my hometown'.

例: I work at a college near my hometown where students can learn many skills and gain valuable knowledge.

提案: Your answer is good but can be improved by using better linking words and more specific details. For example, use 'because' to explain reasons and add examples of how teachers help.

例: Honestly, it's a very good place to work because there are many experienced teachers who support us in every situation, such as providing guidance during difficult projects.

提案: Try to use correct possessive pronouns and avoid repetition. Also, use linking words like 'and' or 'also' properly. For example, say 'its surroundings' instead of 'their surroundings'.

例: Yes, definitely I like this place because its surroundings are very neat and clean, and there are several parks where we enjoy spending time with friends and teachers.

提案: Please use correct grammar and be more specific. Instead of vague phrases like 'do something and achieve something', mention your goals clearly. Also, say 'be financially independent' instead of 'financially independently'.

例: My future work plan is to go abroad to gain international experience and achieve my career goals. I also want to become financially independent.

× I recently completed my senior scandal from the stream commerce.

✓ I recently completed my senior scandal from the commerce stream.

The adjective order is incorrect. 'Commerce' should describe 'stream' as a noun phrase 'commerce stream'. The original phrase 'stream commerce' is incorrect word order. Correct order is 'commerce stream'. Use noun + noun structure properly.

× Now I am preparing for IaaS exam because I want to study in the abroad.

✓ Now I am preparing for the IaaS exam because I want to study abroad.

The preposition 'in' is incorrectly used before 'abroad'. 'Abroad' does not require a preposition. Also, 'the' is needed before 'IaaS exam' as it is a specific exam.

× I work in a college where we can learn lot of skills and gain lot of knowledge and there and my college is in near my hometown.

✓ I work in a college where we can learn a lot of skills and gain a lot of knowledge, and my college is near my hometown.

The quantifier 'lot' should be preceded by 'a' to form 'a lot of'. Also, the phrase 'and there and' is redundant and incorrect. 'In near' is incorrect; correct preposition is 'near' without 'in'.

× Yes, definitely I like this place because their surroundings are very neat and clean and there are number of parks which we really enjoyed there with our friends and teachers.

✓ Yes, definitely I like this place because its surroundings are very neat and clean, and there are a number of parks which we really enjoy with our friends and teachers.

The pronoun 'their' is incorrect for 'this place'; it should be 'its' for singular possession. 'There are number of parks' needs 'a' before 'number'. Also, tense consistency requires 'enjoy' instead of 'enjoyed' as the enjoyment is ongoing.

× My future work plan is to go abroad because I want to do something and achieve something and I also want to financially independently.

✓ My future work plan is to go abroad because I want to do something and achieve something, and I also want to be financially independent.

The phrase 'want to financially independently' is incorrect. 'Financially' is an adverb and 'independently' is an adverb; the correct adjective is 'independent'. Also, 'want to be financially independent' is the correct modal verb structure.