Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid filler words like 'Umm' and simplify complex phrases such as 'due to the reason that' to make your answer more natural and fluent. Also, keep your answer concise and directly related to the question.

例: I am currently working part-time in a pharmacy to save money for my education abroad because I want to pursue a PhD and deepen my knowledge in my field. Although working limits my study time, I stay motivated.

提案: Avoid redundancy such as 'prescriptions that their doctor has prescribed' and unclear phrases like 'try to just advise'. Use clearer and more precise language to describe your duties. Also, avoid adding unrelated words like 'Good' at the end.

例: I work in a private pharmacy in the city centre. It can be tiring during busy hours because many patients come to collect their medications. I read their prescriptions and provide advice when needed.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant. To improve, try to use linking words like 'although' or 'even though' to connect ideas smoothly and avoid repeating similar phrases like 'I enjoy working there' and 'I feel satisfied about it'.

例: Although it can get very busy, I think it's a great place to work because I am passionate about helping others and assisting many people during my shifts, which makes me feel satisfied.

提案: Avoid repeating words like 'working' twice and clarify phrases such as 'do my job in a broader aspect'. Use linking words to connect your ideas and make your answer more coherent.

例: As I mentioned earlier, I enjoy busy work environments because they allow me to use my skills more broadly. Moreover, the supportive atmosphere and friendly colleagues make the job even more enjoyable.

提案: Avoid filler words like 'Uh' and be more specific about your plans. Use linking words to connect your ideas and express your intentions clearly and naturally.

例: I consider myself an academic, so I plan to pursue a PhD abroad to enhance my skills in my field. This opportunity will help me develop further and enable me to assist others more effectively.

× Currently I am working part time in a pharmacy so I can earn money to fund my education abroad.

✓ Currently I am working part-time at a pharmacy so I can earn money to fund my education abroad.

The phrase 'part time' should be hyphenated as 'part-time' when used as an adjective. Also, the correct preposition to indicate working at a place is 'at' rather than 'in'.

× I work in a private pharmacy located in the city centre.

✓ I work at a private pharmacy located in the city centre.

When referring to working at a specific place, the preposition 'at' is more appropriate than 'in' to indicate the location of employment.

× I have many patients coming to get their medications from me, so I read their prescriptions that their doctor has prescribed and try to just advise.

✓ I have many patients coming to get their medications from me, so I read the prescriptions their doctor has prescribed and try to just advise.

The phrase 'their prescriptions that their doctor has prescribed' is redundant. It is better to say 'the prescriptions their doctor has prescribed'. Also, 'read their prescriptions' is acceptable, but 'read the prescriptions' is clearer.

× As I see myself as an academic person, I plan to pursue my PhD abroad to broaden my skills in my major in a higher level.

✓ As I see myself as an academic person, I plan to pursue my PhD abroad to broaden my skills in my major at a higher level.

The correct preposition to indicate a degree or level is 'at' rather than 'in' when referring to 'a higher level'.