Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to use correct articles and prepositions, and keep your answer concise and clear. For example, say "I'm pursuing higher education in business management and I also work as a security officer at an under-construction site." Avoid redundancy and grammatical errors to sound more natural.

例: I'm currently pursuing higher education in business management, and I work as a security officer at an under-construction site.

提案: Use correct articles and verb tenses, and organise your answer with linking words for clarity. For example, say "I work at an under-construction site. My duties include checking for water leakage and any damages in the building, and then informing my superior." This makes your answer more coherent and natural.

例: I work at an under-construction site. My duties include checking for water leakage and any damages in the building, and then informing my superior.

提案: Improve sentence structure and use linking words properly. For example, say "Yes, it is a good place to work. However, there is no designated area for lunch or rest during breaks. Apart from that, my teammates and superiors are great, and I enjoy working there." This makes your answer clearer and more natural.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work. However, there is no designated area for lunch or rest during breaks. Apart from that, my teammates and superiors are great, and I enjoy working there.

提案: Use correct verb tenses and complete your sentences. For example, say "Yes, definitely. I love the place where I work because this company was the first to offer me a job after I came to Canada. Also, I get a chance to meet new people. My teammates and superiors are very supportive." This improves clarity and naturalness.

例: Yes, definitely. I love the place where I work because this company was the first to offer me a job after I came to Canada. Also, I get a chance to meet new people. My teammates and superiors are very supportive.

提案: Use correct grammar and clearer sentence structure. For example, say "After completing my studies, I plan to get a job in a retail company or a bank because I prefer office work to security jobs, as it offers more opportunities." This makes your answer more natural and effective.

例: After completing my studies, I plan to get a job in a retail company or a bank because I prefer office work to security jobs, as it offers more opportunities.

× I'm pursuing my high education in business management and I also work as a security officer on a under construction site.

✓ I'm pursuing my higher education in business management and I also work as a security officer on an under-construction site.

The phrase 'high education' is incorrect; the correct term is 'higher education'. Also, 'a under construction site' is wrong because 'under' starts with a vowel sound, so 'an' should be used instead of 'a'. Additionally, 'under construction' should be hyphenated when used as an adjective before a noun.

× As mentioned earlier I work on a under construction site.

✓ As mentioned earlier, I work on an under-construction site.

Same as before, 'a under' should be 'an under' because 'under' starts with a vowel sound. Also, 'under construction' should be hyphenated when used as an adjective before a noun. A comma after 'earlier' improves sentence clarity.

× So there my duty was to check if there is any leakage of water in the building because it is under construction site and look for if there is any kind of damage and inform the superior.

✓ So my duty there was to check if there was any leakage of water in the building because it is an under-construction site, to look for any kind of damage, and to inform the superior.

The phrase 'there my duty was' is awkward; 'my duty there was' is correct. 'If there is any leakage' should be 'if there was any leakage' to maintain past tense consistency. 'Under construction site' needs the article 'an' and hyphenation. Also, 'look for if there is any kind of damage' is incorrect; it should be 'to look for any kind of damage'. The sentence is improved by adding commas and parallel structure.

× Except one thing, there is not a designated area to have lunch or rest during a break.

✓ Except for one thing, there is no designated area to have lunch or rest during a break.

'Except one thing' should be 'Except for one thing' to be grammatically correct. Also, 'there is not a designated area' is better expressed as 'there is no designated area' for naturalness.

× So rather than all my teammates are great, my superiors are great.

✓ So, apart from that, all my teammates are great, and my superiors are great.

'Rather than' is incorrectly used here; the correct phrase is 'apart from that' or 'except that'. Also, adding commas and conjunction 'and' improves sentence flow.

× Yes, definitely. I love the place where I work because this company was the first one who offers job to me after came to Canada.

✓ Yes, definitely. I love the place where I work because this company was the first one that offered me a job after I came to Canada.

The relative pronoun 'who' is incorrect for a company; 'that' is correct. 'Offers job to me' should be 'offered me a job' to maintain past tense and correct word order. 'After came to Canada' is missing the subject 'I' and should be 'after I came to Canada'.

× And another reason is that I get a chance to meet with another person.

✓ Another reason is that I get a chance to meet other people.

'Meet with' is incorrect; the verb 'meet' does not require 'with' in this context. Also, 'another person' is awkward; 'other people' is more natural when referring to colleagues or teammates.

× After completing my studies, I would try to get a job in some retail company or in a bank because I love to doing a job office job rather than this security job as it provide me more chance.

✓ After completing my studies, I will try to get a job in a retail company or a bank because I prefer doing an office job rather than this security job as it provides me with more opportunities.

The modal verb 'would' is incorrect here; 'will' is appropriate for future plans. 'Love to doing' is incorrect; it should be 'prefer doing' or 'like doing'. 'A job office job' is redundant; 'an office job' is correct. 'Provide' should be 'provides' to agree with singular subject 'it'. Also, 'more chance' should be 'more opportunities' for naturalness.