Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is informative but starts with a question which is unnecessary and can confuse the examiner. Try to respond directly to the question with a clear topic sentence. Also, avoid redundancy by not repeating similar ideas. Keep your answer concise within 5 sentences.

例: I recently completed my medical studies six months ago and have been working as an intern doctor at my College Hospital since then. This internship provides me with valuable practical experience and helps me develop important professional skills. Overall, it has been a rewarding phase that bridges my academic knowledge and the real world.

提案: Your answer is clear and well-structured. To improve, try to use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly and add a bit more specific detail about your current role or tasks to enrich the content.

例: I currently work as an intern at my College Hospital, where I assist doctors in outpatient departments. After completing one year of internship, I will receive my degree. Then, I plan to gain further practical experience by working in outpatient departments at other hospitals and clinics, which will help me improve my skills and provide better care to patients.

提案: Your answer is natural and effective with good content. To enhance coherence, use linking words like 'because' or 'therefore' more explicitly. Also, try to vary your vocabulary slightly to avoid repetition, for example, use 'diverse' instead of 'different'.

例: I think it's a very good place for an intern doctor to work because the hospital has a diverse range of patients with various medical problems. Therefore, this variety allows us to gain extensive practical experience, which will be very helpful for treating patients in the future. Overall, working there provides excellent learning opportunities.

提案: Your answer is good but slightly long and ends abruptly with 'at times over'. Try to avoid incomplete sentences and ensure your answer is concise. Also, use linking words like 'however' to contrast ideas clearly.

例: Honestly, I really like the college where I work because it has excellent infrastructure and spacious buildings, which create a comfortable and productive environment. However, the nearby hospital, although well maintained and hygienic, has small and cramped rooms that can be uncomfortable at times.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant. To improve, use linking words like 'first' and 'then' to show sequence and add a bit more detail about why you chose Canada or how this experience will help your career.

例: My long-term plan is first to take the MCC QE exam to pursue medical postgraduation in Canada, which will help me secure residency there. Then, after completing my postgraduation, I aim to work in a reputable hospital or clinic to gain valuable practical experience. This experience will be essential for advancing my career in the medical field.

× Are you a student? I recently completed my medical studies about six months ago and since then I have been working as an intern Dr. at my College Hospital.

✓ I recently completed my medical studies about six months ago and since then I have been working as an intern doctor at my College Hospital.

The phrase 'intern Dr.' is an incorrect use of pronouns and abbreviations. 'Dr.' is a title and should not be used as a noun here. The correct term is 'intern doctor' to describe the position. This improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× This internship is providing me with valuable practical experience in helping me develop important professional skills.

✓ This internship is providing me with valuable practical experience that is helping me develop important professional skills.

The original sentence lacks clarity due to missing conjunction or relative pronoun. Adding 'that is' correctly connects the clauses, improving sentence structure and meaning.

× Overall, it has been a rewarding phase that bridges my academic knowledge and real world.

✓ Overall, it has been a rewarding phase that bridges my academic knowledge and the real world.

The phrase 'real world' requires the definite article 'the' because it refers to a specific concept. Omitting 'the' is incorrect in this context.

× I currently work as an intern at my College Hospital.

✓ I currently work as an intern at my college hospital.

'College hospital' is a common noun phrase and should not be capitalized unless it is a proper noun. Using lowercase is grammatically correct here.

× After completing one year of internship, I will receive my degree.

✓ After completing one year of the internship, I will receive my degree.

When referring to a specific internship previously mentioned, the definite article 'the' should be used before 'internship'.

× Then I plan to gain practical experience by working in outpatient departments at other hospitals and clinics, which will help me improve my skills and provide better care to patients.

✓ Then I plan to gain practical experience by working in outpatient departments at other hospitals and clinics, which will help me improve my skills and provide better care to patients.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct.

× I think it's a very good place for an intern Dr. to work because the hospital has many patients with different type of complaints and medical problems.

✓ I think it's a very good place for an intern doctor to work because the hospital has many patients with different types of complaints and medical problems.

'Intern Dr.' is incorrect; 'intern doctor' is correct. Also, 'different type' should be pluralized to 'different types' to agree with 'patients' and 'complaints'.

× This variety allows us to gain a lot of practical experience, which will be very helpful for treating patients in the future.

✓ This variety allows us to gain a lot of practical experience, which will be very helpful in treating patients in the future.

The preposition 'for' is incorrectly used here; 'helpful in treating' is the correct collocation.

× Honestly, I really like the college where I work because it has excellent infrastructure and spacious buildings which create a comfortable and productive environment.

✓ Honestly, I really like the college where I work because it has excellent infrastructure and spacious buildings that create a comfortable and productive environment.

Using 'which' without a comma is less appropriate here; 'that' is preferred for defining relative clauses.

× Although the hospital nearby is well maintained and hygienic, its rooms are quite small and often feel cramped, which can be uncomfortable at times over.

✓ Although the nearby hospital is well maintained and hygienic, its rooms are quite small and often feel cramped, which can be uncomfortable at times.

'Hospital nearby' should be 'nearby hospital' for correct adjective order. Also, 'at times over' is incorrect; 'at times' suffices.

× My long term plan is to take the MCC QE exam in order to pursue medical post graduation in Canada, which help me secure residency there.

✓ My long-term plan is to take the MCC QE exam in order to pursue medical postgraduation in Canada, which will help me secure residency there.

'Help' should be 'will help' to indicate future possibility. Also, 'post graduation' is better written as 'postgraduation' or 'post-graduation'. Hyphenation in 'long-term' is also necessary.

× After completing my post graduation, I aim to work in a reputable hospital or clinic to gain valuable practical experience.

✓ After completing my postgraduation, I aim to work in a reputable hospital or clinic to gain valuable practical experience.

'Post graduation' should be written as one word 'postgraduation' or hyphenated 'post-graduation' as it is a compound noun.

× This experience will be essential for advancing my career in the medical field.

✓ This experience will be essential for advancing my career in the medical field.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct.