Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is detailed but a bit long and has some repetition. Try to be more concise and avoid repeating words like 'to'. Also, use simpler and clearer phrases to sound more natural. For example, instead of 'requesting for investigation', say 'ordering tests'.

例: I work as a medical officer in a pediatric hospital. My duties include consulting patients, ordering tests, prescribing medication, and following up on their progress. I also perform procedures like collecting blood samples from infants.

提案: Your answer repeats words and phrases which affects fluency. Try to avoid repetition and use linking words to make your answer smoother. Also, correct grammar mistakes like 'is' should be 'it is'.

例: As I mentioned, I work in a private pediatric hospital close to my home. I like it because it's just a stone's throw away, so I don't need to take a bus to get there.

提案: Your answer has many repetitions and incomplete sentences. Try to organize your ideas clearly and avoid repeating words. Use linking words like 'because' and 'also' properly to connect your points.

例: Yes, it is a very safe and pleasant place to work because they offer good pay and respect their employees. Also, there are many consultants who support staff development.

提案: Your answer is unclear and has many repetitions and incomplete thoughts. Try to express your ideas clearly and avoid repeating words. Use linking words to explain your reasons logically.

例: Definitely, I love my workplace because it is not very busy like other places. Also, the environment is less stressful, so I stay motivated and interested in my work.

提案: Your answer has some repetition and incomplete sentences. Try to be more concise and clear. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' to explain your plans logically.

例: In the future, I plan to enter residency training and become a consultant. This is important because without specialization, I might lose focus. Becoming an expert in a specialized area will help me advance my career.

× In addition to to this, I carry out procedures which include collecting blood samples from babies less than a year, cannoli them and also.

✓ In addition to this, I carry out procedures which include collecting blood samples from babies less than a year, cannulating them and also.

The verb 'cannoli' is incorrect; the correct gerund form is 'cannulating' to match the verb + -ing form required after 'include'. Also, the phrase 'to to' is a repetition error and should be corrected to 'to'.

× I work in a pediatric hospital and is a private facility not so far from my house where I reside.

✓ I work in a pediatric hospital and it is a private facility not so far from my house where I reside.

The subject 'a pediatric hospital' is singular, so the verb should be 'is', but since the sentence has two subjects joined by 'and', the second clause needs a subject 'it' before 'is' to maintain subject-verb agreement.

× it's it's just a stone throw to, to from my house.

✓ it's just a stone's throw from my house.

The correct idiomatic expression is 'a stone's throw from' not 'to, to from'. Also, 'stone throw' should be possessive 'stone's throw'.

× Yes, definitely yes is a very safe place and a nice place to work and this is because they have a good pay, they respect their workers.

✓ Yes, definitely yes, it is a very safe place and a nice place to work and this is because they have good pay and they respect their workers.

The sentence lacks the subject 'it' before 'is' causing subject-verb agreement error. Also, 'a good pay' should be 'good pay' as 'pay' is uncountable here.

× They they, they, they treat their workers very well and they also help you grow as they have a lot of consultants who are willing to help you by.

✓ They treat their workers very well and also help you grow as they have a lot of consultants who are willing to help you.

Repetition of 'they' is unnecessary and should be removed. The sentence ends abruptly with 'by' which is incorrect; it should end after 'help you' or be completed properly.

× Definitely yes, I love the place I work because is is is is not quite busy unlike other places where you have to walk tooth and nails just to make ends meet and with with some frustrating employer employers you you have to you might lose the interest of.

✓ Definitely yes, I love the place I work because it is not quite busy unlike other places where you have to fight tooth and nail just to make ends meet, and with some frustrating employers, you might lose interest.

Multiple repetitions like 'is is is is', 'with with', 'employer employers', 'you you have to you' are errors and should be removed. The phrase 'walk tooth and nails' is incorrect; the correct idiom is 'fight tooth and nail'. The sentence was incomplete and needed proper ending.

× In the future, I plan to further my career by going to residency and finally to become a consultant.

✓ In the future, I plan to further my career by going into residency and finally becoming a consultant.

The phrase 'going to residency' is better expressed as 'going into residency'. Also, parallel structure requires 'finally becoming a consultant' instead of 'to become' to match 'going'.

× And this is because that's if you don't do, if I don't get to do that, I might end up losing focus.

✓ And this is because if I don't do that, I might end up losing focus.

The phrase 'that's if you don't do' is incorrect and redundant. The correct conjunction is 'if' to introduce the conditional clause.

× When you become a consultant in a special in a specialized area, you, you will be, you will be an expert in that area and that.

✓ When you become a consultant in a specialized area, you will be an expert in that area.

The phrase 'in a special in a specialized area' is redundant and incorrect; it should be 'in a specialized area'. Also, repeated 'you, you will be' should be simplified. The sentence ends abruptly and should be completed properly.