Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer needs to be clearer and more structured. Start with a direct response to the question, then add supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors to make your answer more natural and effective.

例: I have been working for the past month after recently graduating with my bachelor's degree. I was appointed to a field job where I can apply various skills and knowledge I gained during my studies.

提案: Your answer should be more coherent and grammatically correct. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific details clearly. Avoid unclear phrases and numbers without context.

例: I work in a mobile veterinary unit, which is an emergency service based in Passero village. It covers around 1,627 nearby villages, including Leanne, and handles approximately 1,150 cases regularly.

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and coherence. Respond directly to the question with a clear opinion, then support it with specific reasons using linking words. Avoid incomplete sentences and unclear expressions.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because many people depend on the animal sector for their livelihood. Working in the field helps me understand their needs better.

提案: Your answer is positive but can be improved by using more natural expressions and linking words. Try to avoid filler words and provide a concise, coherent response with specific details.

例: Indeed, I like the place where I work because it is surrounded by beautiful greenery and many trees. This pleasant environment helps me feel relaxed and stress-free while working.

提案: Your answer should be clearer and more grammatically correct. Start with a direct statement of your plans, then explain the reason using linking words. Avoid unclear phrases and incorrect word forms.

例: In the near future, I plan to pursue postgraduate studies in pharmacology because antibiotic resistance is becoming a serious problem. I want to research higher doses of antibiotics to address this issue.

× For the past one month am working.

✓ For the past one month, I have been working.

The sentence requires present perfect continuous tense to indicate an action that started in the past and is still continuing. 'Am working' is present continuous and does not fit with 'for the past one month'.

× I recently graduated with my bachelor degree or within a month I.

✓ I recently graduated with my bachelor's degree about a month ago.

The original sentence is incomplete and incorrectly structured. 'Bachelor degree' should be 'bachelor's degree' and the phrase 'or within a month I' is unclear and ungrammatical.

× I offered I I appointed in this job an it's a very good job an I can use my various types of skills and knowledge in this and it's a field work as.

✓ I was offered and appointed to this job, and it's a very good job where I can use various types of skills and knowledge. It is field work.

The sentence has multiple errors including repetition, incorrect verb forms, and unclear phrasing. 'I offered I I appointed' is incorrect; passive voice 'I was offered and appointed' is appropriate. 'An' should be 'and'. The sentence is fragmented and needs to be combined properly.

× I work in mobile veterinary unit.

✓ I work in a mobile veterinary unit.

The sentence is missing the indefinite article 'a' before 'mobile veterinary unit'.

× Actually it's an emergency unit in passero village and that way it will covers the surrounding villages also an it comes under circular pit man did it.

✓ Actually, it's an emergency unit in Passero village and it also covers the surrounding villages. It comes under the circular pit mandal.

Proper nouns like 'Passero' should be capitalized. 'That way' is unnecessary and confusing. 'Covers' should be singular to agree with 'it'. 'Circular pit man did it' seems to be a mishearing or misspelling; corrected to 'circular pit mandal' assuming the intended term. Also, sentence structure is improved for clarity.

× It will cover 1627 villages near Leanne.

✓ It covers 1,627 villages near Leanne.

'Will cover' suggests future tense, but context implies present ongoing coverage. Also, numbers should be formatted properly with commas.

× Will get cases of around 11:50. Anne.

✓ It gets around 1,150 cases.

The original sentence is fragmented and unclear. 'Will get' is future tense but context suggests present. '11:50 Anne' seems to be a mishearing or typo; corrected to '1,150 cases' for clarity.

× In entities be 'cause now there is no one is wearing the large animals.

✓ In this area, because now there is no one taking care of the large animals.

The sentence is unclear and contains errors. 'Entities be' is incorrect; likely meant 'in this area'. 'Wearing the large animals' is incorrect; probably intended 'taking care of' or 'looking after'.

× But whenever I am working in the field level I used to, I understand that there are more people who are depending on the animal sector.

✓ But whenever I work at the field level, I understand that there are many people who depend on the animal sector.

'Used to' is incorrectly placed and unnecessary here. 'Am working' should be simple present 'work' to indicate habitual action. 'Are depending' should be 'depend' for habitual present.

× I mean creating animals, yeah, it's a good area to.

✓ I mean breeding animals; yeah, it's a good area to work in.

The phrase 'creating animals' is incorrect; 'breeding animals' is appropriate. The sentence is incomplete and needs to be finished properly.

× Is. Indeed, I like this place very much.

✓ Indeed, I like this place very much.

The word 'Is.' at the beginning is unnecessary and incorrect.

× It was surrounded by a beautiful green greenery.

✓ It is surrounded by beautiful green greenery.

'Was' suggests past tense but context implies present. 'Green greenery' is redundant; 'greenery' alone suffices but 'beautiful green greenery' is acceptable for emphasis.

× Uh, there are more number of trees an.

✓ There are a large number of trees.

'More number of trees' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'a large number of trees' or 'many trees'.

× In every house there are more trees and it's a pleasant place to work an whenever I work here I don't feel any stress while working here.

✓ In every house, there are many trees, and it's a pleasant place to work. Whenever I work here, I don't feel any stress.

Sentence is run-on and needs to be split for clarity. 'More trees' should be 'many trees'. Repetition of 'while working here' is unnecessary.

× In the near future I want to do my post graduation studies in pharmacology becaused now where is the antibiotic resistance is becoming more and more a very dangerous problem and I want to do research in many higher anti dose of antibiotics.

✓ In the near future, I want to pursue my postgraduate studies in pharmacology because antibiotic resistance is becoming an increasingly dangerous problem, and I want to research higher doses of antibiotics.

'Post graduation studies' should be 'postgraduate studies'. 'Becaused now where is' is incorrect; corrected to 'because'. 'Many higher anti dose' is unclear; corrected to 'higher doses'. Sentence structure improved for clarity and grammar.