Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear but contains some language inaccuracies and could be more natural. Instead of "retail personal," use "retail professional" or simply "I work in retail." Also, avoid redundancy by not repeating the workplace unnecessarily. Try to make your answer concise and natural.

例: I work in retail as a bookstore manager at Carleton University.

提案: Your answer is understandable but could be more precise and natural. "Carleton" refers to the university, and "Ottawa" is the city, so say "Carleton University in Ottawa." Also, avoid repeating "university" twice. Keep it concise and clear.

例: I work at the campus bookstore of Carleton University in Ottawa.

提案: Your answer has good content but needs better sentence structure and linking words. Avoid redundancy like "with with" and improve fluency by connecting ideas smoothly. For example, use linking words like "because" and "which" to connect your points. Also, try to be more concise and natural in phrasing.

例: It's a great place to work because my colleagues are friendly, and the atmosphere is calm and peaceful, which makes it enjoyable. I also find satisfaction in helping customers find the textbooks they need to succeed academically.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains some grammatical errors and hesitations. Replace "uh" with a pause or remove it. Use correct verb forms, e.g., "helps me focus" and "when I assist customers." Also, try to link your ideas smoothly for better coherence.

例: Yes, I love the place where I work because the calm and peaceful atmosphere helps me focus. I also feel a great sense of job satisfaction when I assist customers in finding the textbooks they need to achieve academic success.

提案: Your answer has good ideas but is unclear due to grammar and word choice errors. Avoid repeating words like "Currently happy Currently." Use correct phrases such as "career growth" instead of "carrier growth." Also, clarify your goal more naturally and avoid awkward phrases like "multiple books, multiple store manager."

例: At the moment, I am happy working as a bookstore manager, but in the future, I hope to advance my career by managing multiple stores within the company.

× I am a retail personal currently working as a bookstore manager at Carleton University.

✓ I am a retail person currently working as a bookstore manager at Carleton University.

The word 'personal' is incorrect here; the correct noun is 'person' to refer to an individual. 'Personal' is an adjective, not a noun.

× I work in a campus bookstore at a university in Carleton, Ottawa.

✓ I work at a campus bookstore at a university in Carleton, Ottawa.

The preposition 'at' is more appropriate when referring to a specific workplace location like a bookstore, rather than 'in'. 'In' is used for enclosed spaces, but 'at' is preferred for workplaces or institutions.

× Definitely it is a good place to work because the people that I'm working with are really friendly and atmosphere is quite calm and peaceful.

✓ Definitely it is a good place to work because the people that I'm working with are really friendly and the atmosphere is quite calm and peaceful.

The noun 'atmosphere' is singular and requires the definite article 'the' before it to specify the environment being described.

× And I am very satisfied with with my job when I help people to find their required textbook to help them for the academic excellence.

✓ And I am very satisfied with my job when I help people find their required textbooks to help them achieve academic excellence.

The phrase 'help people to find' is better expressed as 'help people find' without 'to'. Also, 'textbook' should be plural 'textbooks' because it refers to multiple items. 'For the academic excellence' is incorrect; 'achieve academic excellence' is the correct expression.

× Yes, I do love the place that I work, uh, because the atmosphere is calm and peaceful, which helps me focused.

✓ Yes, I do love the place that I work, uh, because the atmosphere is calm and peaceful, which helps me focus.

The verb following 'helps me' should be in the base form 'focus' rather than the past tense or past participle 'focused'.

× I also feel a great sense of job satisfaction when I assistance in finding the textbooks they need to achieve academic success.

✓ I also feel a great sense of job satisfaction when I assist in finding the textbooks they need to achieve academic success.

The word 'assistance' is a noun, but the sentence requires a verb. The correct verb form is 'assist'.

× Currently happy Currently I'm happy with the work that I am doing as a bookstore manager and I would like to get A at a carrier growth in my company itself, maybe as a multiple books, multiple store manager in my company.

✓ Currently, I'm happy with the work that I am doing as a bookstore manager, and I would like to achieve career growth in my company, maybe as a manager of multiple bookstores in my company.

The original sentence has repetition ('Currently happy Currently'), incorrect phrase 'get A at a carrier growth' which should be 'achieve career growth', and awkward phrasing 'multiple books, multiple store manager' which should be 'manager of multiple bookstores'. The sentence structure is corrected for clarity and grammatical accuracy.