Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer should be more concise and directly address the question. Avoid redundancy and grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence and provide supporting details logically. For example, mention your student status first, then briefly mention your part-time job with correct grammar.

例: I am a full-time student at Loyalist College, studying cybersecurity. Additionally, I work part-time at A&W restaurant to support myself.

提案: Your answer needs to be clearer and more grammatically correct. Start with a direct response, then add specific details using linking words. Avoid unclear phrases and repetition.

例: I work as a crew member at A&W restaurant, which is located in Pearson Airport. I enjoy my job because it allows me to interact with many people.

提案: Your answer should be more structured and clear. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific reasons why it is a good place to work. Avoid grammatical mistakes and unclear phrases.

例: Yes, working at the airport is great because it is a safe environment. Also, A&W is a well-known restaurant in Canada, which makes it a reliable place to work.

提案: Your answer should be more coherent and grammatically correct. Use linking words to connect your ideas and provide specific reasons why you like your workplace.

例: Yes, I like my workplace because it is peaceful and quiet since it is at the airport. Also, the customers and my coworkers are very friendly, which makes the job enjoyable.

提案: Your answer should be clearer and more structured. Start with a topic sentence about your future plans, then provide specific details about your skills and goals using linking words.

例: In the future, I plan to work in the IT field, especially in cybersecurity. I have an interest in programming languages like Python, and I hope to apply these skills in my career.

× My study looked at were cybersecurity as well as I also get a part time job at the end of blue restaurant.

✓ My studies are about cybersecurity, and I also have a part-time job at the end of Blue Restaurant.

The original sentence incorrectly uses past tense 'looked' and 'were' instead of present tense to describe ongoing studies. Also, 'get' should be 'have' to indicate current employment. Use present tense for current activities and correct verb forms for clarity.

× I am doing a word at a restaurant.

✓ I am working at a restaurant.

The phrase 'doing a word' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'working at' when referring to employment at a place.

× It is located at a Pearson airport.

✓ It is located at Pearson Airport.

The article 'a' is unnecessary before 'Pearson Airport' because it is a proper noun. Also, 'at' is correct for location, but the article should be omitted.

× Here I did Albert Albert review ma'am here.

✓ Here, I do various tasks, ma'am.

The original sentence is unclear and likely a misstatement. Simplifying to 'I do various tasks' clarifies the meaning and corrects sentence structure.

× I do work as a crew member which I like most.

✓ I work as a crew member, which I like the most.

The phrase 'do work' is unnecessary; simple present 'work' suffices. Adding 'the' before 'most' is needed for correct superlative usage.

× Definitely airport, it's a good place to do award as well as A and W restaurant is so well known restaurant in a Canada so it is a very safe and very good place with two without work.

✓ Definitely, the airport is a good place to work, and A&W restaurant is a well-known restaurant in Canada, so it is a very safe and good place to work.

The original sentence has multiple errors including missing articles, incorrect word choice ('do award' should be 'work'), and confusing structure. Correcting articles, verb usage, and sentence flow improves clarity.

× A and W restaurant is so well known restaurant in a Canada

✓ A&W restaurant is a well-known restaurant in Canada

Proper nouns like 'A&W' should be written correctly, and 'a Canada' is incorrect; 'Canada' does not need an article. Also, 'well known' should be hyphenated as 'well-known' when used as an adjective.

× it is a very safe and very good place with two without work.

✓ it is a very safe and very good place to work.

The phrase 'with two without work' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'to work' indicating the place is good for working.

× Yes, I like that place where I work because it's. Was a very peaceful place the cause at the airport or nobody creator noise and there are very decent person who come and created the food, which I like as well as if there are way too nice to you members.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because it is a very peaceful place. At the airport, nobody creates noise, and there are very decent people who come and create the food, which I like. Also, the crew members are very nice to me.

The sentence incorrectly switches between past and present tense ('it's. Was'). Consistent present tense is needed for current situations. Also, 'creator noise' should be 'creates noise', and 'person' should be plural 'people'. The sentence is broken into clearer parts for readability.

× if there are way too nice to you members.

✓ the crew members are very nice to me.

The phrase 'way too nice to you members' is incorrect. It should be 'crew members are very nice to me' to correctly use pronouns and clarify meaning.

× As I mentioned earlier, I am pursuing A cybersecurity study, therefore I want to do the work in the ideas after which would be very beneficial.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, I am pursuing cybersecurity studies; therefore, I want to work in the IT field, which would be very beneficial.

The phrase 'do the work in the ideas' is unclear and likely a misstatement. 'Work in the IT field' is a clearer expression. Also, 'A cybersecurity study' should be 'cybersecurity studies'. The future intention is expressed with 'want to work'.

× And I have a teen and trust in programming and a different language like Python, so therefore I like to do what in a different set.

✓ I have an interest and trust in programming and different languages like Python, so I would like to work in a different sector.

The phrase 'have a teen and trust' is incorrect; likely meant 'interest and trust'. 'Do what in a different set' is unclear; corrected to 'work in a different sector'. Proper quantifiers and vocabulary improve clarity.